Dorian Hargrove 8:30 p.m., Dec. 12
I lived in La Jolla for about five years and regularly visit there so I can say with some authority that La Jolla drivers are some of the worst I've ever encountered. I think I have a few reasons too, if you care to read...
Faking Fakers Faking It
A friend once told me that La Jolla was made up of 1/2 rich people and 1/2 fakers. The fakers live in large houses, drive expensive cars and spend lots of money in the hopes that these actions alone will make them rich.
These fakers, in the process of faking it until they make it, have to work very hard for the money they spend. So much so that they are constantly rushing. Rushing to the dealership to have the car fixed, rushing to the store to pick up pretentious treats, rushing to pick the kids up from Riding, Karate, Self-Realization, Therapy, etc. and rushing to and from work.
To the fakers, I say this: the truly rich can afford to be nice. It's the flicking fakers, faking it, who are the jerks in La Jolla. Also, Fakers, rich people don't work. They can afford not to and, if they do, it's at their own pace, because, Fakers, they own the company. Rich people also don't have to rush anywhere because they know, unlike the Fakers, that people will wait for them.
Actual rich people are also not usually angry about paying extra to drive a luxury automobile and to have said luxury automobile fixed, like you Faking Fakers whom I see yelling at service people all the time in La Jolla. Fakers! Try faking confidence all the time and slow-the-hell-down in La Jolla.
People With Gigantic Cars
"If you can't see my mirrors, I can't see you." This is a sign you used to see on the backs on semi-tractor-trailers and large delivery vehicles. It is a warning to other drivers but also a promise that the delivery driver is checking his or her mirrors. People With Gigantic Cars, in La Jolla, are usually not looking in the mirror. Usually, they are parking in two spaces, driving in two lanes and don't even get me started about how they treat the parking lots of La Jolla. But, really, the gigantic cars are difficult to park, hard to see out of, and downright dangerous when they change lanes while turning right from Girard onto Pearl. OK, now on to:
People At The Beach
In one fifteen-minute period, I saw at least five people pull into the parking lot at La Jolla Shores Beach and proceed to be considerably jerky if not downright dangerous once there. Now, there is some construction going on so it is a little confusing getting into the lot i.e. you must enter through the exit. Once you do that odd thing, everything else is the same in that you may only go one way through the parking lot. New entrants must go past a large sign with a large One Way arrow, a painted "Wrong Way" message and lots of simulated islands painted on the blacktop -- and, literally, tons of oncoming traffic, to do what these five ding-wads did. Once there, there was no way for even a small car to park properly so these people wasted the time of everyone who was going the right way to turn around and park facing the way all the other cars were. Two of them decided it wasn't worth it and just parked facing the wrong way. One just left a wheel on the other person's parking space like this:
I was good and didn't say anything but a person tried the same thing in the parking space to the left and was told to re-park by another person in the lot. Good on 'ya, person in the lot. I could not have done that... But back to Bad La Jolla Drivers
They drive slowly, merge dangerously and stop to take pictures. In traffic, bless them. But as long as they stay out of Gigantic cars and the beach parking lot, they can be dealt with.
Remarkably Old People
Driving slowly, merging dangerously and stopping in traffic are OK for tourists but, when you are in a car so large we don't know you're there and you've been driving in La Jolla since the Truman administration, honey, it's time to go Miss Daisy. Really.
People On Phones
Texting while driving? In La Jolla? If my car weren't new I think I'd let you run into me and just let the lawyers work it out. But, what if you're Faker? You are. Remember. If you need to drive yourself, make your own phone calls and be in the touristy parts of La Jolla, you're a Faking Faker.
People Anywhere Near Pedestrians
Remember, La Jolla drivers, people are people too. Just because they’re not wrapped around three tons of car doesn’t mean they don’t exist. AND – they usually get the right of way. Remember the little people when you’re Faking it, Fakers.