Julie Stalmer 7:15 p.m., June 25
- Community Blog
- La Vista
Free, Unsolicited Advice for Dean Spanos
Dean, you need therapy. You probably don't think you do but you totally do and here's why.
You fear your father. You are about seven years old whenever he's around and about 12 all other times. Yes, this means you're emotionally disabled. And it wouldn't bother me in the least if you were this way and didn't run the team I have been following since we were both seven (really, not emotionally-dammagedly).
I should know. I'm nine emotionally. Mine has to do with my mom. She was like your dad in many ways. Self absorbed; prone to fits of anger that are scary for a 7-12 year-old (and one stuck in that age range emotionally); probably drinks too much; and, here's the big one Dean; incapable of giving you the love you need, desire and deserve.
This is the crux of my problem with you, Dean Spanos. Your father didn't love you when you needed him to so you try to replace him in your social and work life. The problem is that you keep creating the dysfunctional family dynamic with everyone you interact with.
Yes. A. J. Smith is your father. You fear him like you did your father; you resent him like you did your father; he doesn't love you like your father despite all you've done for him. And, here's another big one Dean: A. J. Smith bullies you like your father.
You ned to realize that you can stand on your own, Dean. That you are an adult capable of making decisions. That your father, and people like him, need to respect you. You love him but he needs to treat you like an adult. Maybe too late for your father who has progressing dimentia.
Which is why you need therapy. If you cannot make peace with your father -- and yourself for allowing your father to treat you the way he did -- you will continue to bring him and people like him into your personal and professional relationships.
The personal relationships are your business but owning a professional football franchise means you need to look to the thousands of fans and the millions of dollars we spend and, for our sake, hire a general manager who will not kick you around mentally, financially and emotionally.
Get the help you so desperately need and so richly deserve! Then, once you can breathe again without resentment, fear and the damage of decades of mal treatment, look up to the sky, see the sunshine, smile at the children -- the children who who deserve to be loved like you weren't.
Then hire a general manager who's not an effing a-hole.
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