Matthew Suárez 11 a.m., Nov. 28
- Community Blog
- Homeless Native
I am on a mission to provide for my family. This requires that I take a job in SD and live on the street since I cannot pay rent back home and for a room here. I am a native San Diegan and returning without wife and children is sad because everywhere possesses memories of us together but I am getting over that now and find the most difficult problem is overcoming the feeling of invisibility. Unless you converse with others and share adventures you might as well be non-existent. Since I do not strike up conversations with strangers and spend non-working hours alone, I am invisible. Invisibility is desirable when living in a park because you do not want to incur the wrath of the home dwellers or get a visit by the police. My experiences with SDPD have been favorable nevertheless. I don't feel they are out to get me and I haven't woken up with a $40 ticket on my windshield on those nights when better parking is unavailable or I'm just too tired to drive somewhere else. On weekends I am most invisible. The long dreaded weekends when I'm too broke to drive 450 miles home (I only make it home to the desert about once a month now). So the blog is just the thing I need to escape invisibility and the feeling of being thrust aside by society.
Even though there are many negative topics to discuss while homeless, I also find many good things about my city and thank God I have a job again. I shall remain anonymous until the day someone figures me out so I can write more candidly. Perhaps I will fictionalize portions that are too close to home which may make the truth telling easier. I have made bad mistakes and brought my whole family to financial ruin back in 2004. We were practically evicted from our East County rental, were split-up, lived in two vans at the bay, sometimes in campgrounds etc... At least this time I know my wife and kids are still living a normal life, waking up with a roof over their heads, going to school while I struggle on my own. Despite my mistakes I do not drink, gamble, do drugs or chase women. I have never been arrested in my life. My expenses became overwhelming due to our large family and I began using payday loans (sharks) to survive. I could no longer pay rent....well it's a much longer story than that incuding the loss of a child. I am getting over the losses I suppose but it's been a long journey since 2004, escaping homelessness and now being brought back to face it all again. This time I'm in a better position to come out conqueror. But this time I don't know if our government is serious about letting the economy revive. If it did, I would gladly return to my desert home and continue working in the state of the art factory built in 2005. Ironically, said factory was supposed to fabricate much of the glass going into the new World Trade Center in NYC....the Freedom Tower. The vacillation in re-building the tower along with many other building cancellations has led to my factory lay-off and my return to dwelling at the bay in San Diego.