Ed Bedford 2:59 a.m., May 22
Ersatz News Source: Homeless Housing Aboard Cruise Ship Approved; Tijuana Annexation Considered by Congress
Homeless Housing Aboard Cruise Ship Approved (10/31/12)
Today, the San Diego County Board of Supervisors and Unified Port Administration approved the purchase of a 3000 passenger cruise ship for use as year-round housing of homeless individuals. The recently retired ship, Queen Mary III was purchased from Cardinale Cruise Lines at the scrap value of $3 million, noted as “a really good bargain”. In addition to moving the homeless "offshore" by giving them housing, occupants will also be provided with much needed occupational training in a variety of cruise ship skills such as cooks, waiters, entertainers and vessel crewmembers. The ship will be moored “out of the way” in the center of San Diego Bay using water taxis to shuttle residents. An added benefit, a supervisor’s aide said, “If the situation becomes too problematic, the whole thing can be quickly towed out to the Coronado Islands.”
Tijuana Annexation Considered by Congress (10/31/12)
On their return from recess, members of Congress will be asked to cast their vote on a bill that to annex the city of Tijuana to the United States. A bipartisan committee with full support of the Border Patrol and Department of Labor introduced the bill this summer. Border fences would be relocated to the southern and eastern perimeters of Tijuana, if approved. According to plans, existing ports at Otay Mesa, Mexicali and Tecate would remain operational, but the Tijuana/SanYsidro port eliminated. The proposal grants immediate U.S. citizenship to all current Tijuana residents and eliminates the need for 240,000 people to cross an international border, saving them hours of travel time each day, cutting $100 million or more in annual government enforcement resources. Further, by becoming U.S. citizens, an additional 3 million individuals would immediately become eligible to work legally in the U.S. without a threat of deportation. Several Tijuana citizens asked by the San Diego Reader to comment on this proposal said, “Muy bueno”.