Eva Knott 10:44 a.m., May 18
Ersatz News Source; Clinton becomes New “Clairemonster”; Romney Family holds La Jolla Garage Sale
Clinton becomes New “Clairemonster” (11/2/12)
A very large crowd attended the November meeting of the Clairemont Town Council this Thursday evening. Council Members treated attendees to a variety of leftover Halloween candy, as the turnout of trick-or-treaters was very light the previous night. Following a much-anticipated vote cast by Clairemont residents, the meeting secretary provided the results of a recent vote to decide the best moniker for people living in the charming San Diego neighborhood. In the hotly contested issue, tabulations indicated voters favored 2,364 to 1,929 for those living in the community preferring to be henceforth known as “Clairemonsters”. The announcement was received with tremendous applause and cheering by those who supported the cause. In other news, Former President Bill Clinton, who has expressed his admiration for San Diego, recently placed a deposit on a Clairemont home. The 2-bedroom, 1-bath property is located on Frink Street and is expected to close escrow before Thanksgiving. Residents were asked to refrain from bothering Mr. Clinton and his family.
Romney Family holds La Jolla Garage Sale (11/3/12)
While her Presidential candidate spouse was campaigning in Ohio, Ann Romney held a garage sale at their La Jolla mansion. A Craigslist ad posted midweek resulted in the rather popular event on Saturday morning. Additional Romney family members in the San Diego area also brought some of their unwanted belongings to sell. An excited crowd of mostly women and children sought personal bargains looking through the many boxes of items filling the garage and covering the driveway. Parking in the coastal neighborhood quickly became a premium. Several homeowner residents living on Romney’s street expressed their displeasure at the situation. Private security officers seemed challenged with directing the traffic flow. Cars were double-parked and a few even blocked driveways. On the side lawn, Romney grandchildren sold their lemonade and homemade cookies. Buyers carrying their goods from the sale said they were satisfied with their purchases that included blenders, hats, musical instruments, bicycles, electronics, CDs, dishes, hair dryers, garden tools, shoes, tires, canned goods, books, Legos, towels, sports equipment and magic underwear among the many other items too numerous too list.