Vincent Farnsworth 6:31 p.m., Dec. 4
Ersatz News Source: Imperial Valley Mega-Pot Farm; Filner wants Pretzels
Imperial Valley Mega-Pot Farm (11/2/12)
In an interview, Jesus Mc Adams, a longtime Brawley farmer, said he won state approval to plant a 125-acre cannabis field south of the city along Interstate 8. The governor granted approval as a test of the Federal Administration’s opposition to California Pot Laws. The sun-bud crop will number over three-million high potency plants under the Imperial Valley sunshine the farmer said is ideal for high-THC output. Mc Adams says he will plant strains of Purple Haze, Super Skunk and Hairy Lemon. He has already hired 70 crop tenders. When harvested, about 25% of the buds will be processed on-site into marijuana soft drinks. The remainder is bound for export to Colorado to help fill the state’s enormous demand for the product.
Filner wants Pretzels (11/2/12)
Wednesday evening candidates were asked to speak at a Mayoral Forum at an informal neighborhood gathering. Bob Filner accepted the invitation however his opponent was unable to attend. Asked if he had any intentions for city schools, Mr. Filner said he would install ovens to ensure city school cafeterias bake and sell ten-cent soft pretzels. Filner said he remembers them as a child and thinks the suggestion will greatly benefit all of the district’s students. The candidate went on to share about his unique life spent growing up in a coal-mining town. Filner then told the audience about the many dinners he had with the late Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. Filner said he was best friends with the celebrities and said he would have their endorsement for San Diego’s 35th Mayor if they were still alive.