Ed Bedford 2:59 a.m., May 22
That’s it! I’ve had just about enough and can takes no more. First, let me state as a disclaimer that I like and enjoy dogs (I’ve owned several of the Alpo-munching creatures myself) and some of my best friends have owned and still do own dogs. Regardless, there are many canine owners currently roaming this city that may eventually drive us all CRAZY!
Let’s begin at a store, oh, it could be any store. Ok, it’s the Vons on Scripps Ranch Blvd. We’ve all seen the incredible service dogs that assist the visually and physically challenged. These furry heroes stifle all natural instincts so they can serve masters that without them would lead very different and more difficult lives. These moist-nosed angels are to be admired and applauded. This does not mean, however, that you need to invite your undiscipled, uninterested, easily-distracted schnauzer into the store with you just because you don’t want “Chick-e-poo-poo” or “Professor Wobbly-leg” to spend a couple of minutes alone in the car. Find a shady spot, crack a window, and hurry back like normal people do!
Next, just because you think your dog is adorable, does not mean the rest of us share that opinion. Please quit letting your dog lick, slurp, nibble, scarf, wolf, or partake in any substance off any public surface intended for human consumption of nutrition. Yes, this includes the bench outside of McDonald’s, the picnic table in the park, the drinking fountain at the schoolyard, or any horizontal tailgate at the next sporting event you attend. Dogs don’t mind eating or drinking at ground level…they’re built for it…they like it…it doesn’t hurt their feelings!
I can tell you something that does hurt their feelings--dressing them up like humans. Stop doing it! I don’t care how much you think “Pitty-Pat” is enjoying his brand new astronaut outfit or his zip-up jammies, he’s not. Believe me, any of his dog friends (and most humans) that see him are laughing at him.
If you do insist on participating in this twisted ritual, why not go all the way? Why stop at offending only your dog when you can easily offend everyone else around you. Why not dress up your cute little quadruped in racial stereotypes. Yes, who could resist a charming Irish setter stumbling around the neighborhood in his wee woolen bonnet with a bottle of Jameson’s dangling from his neck? And San Diego’s the perfect climate for an Alaskan Husky to sport a couple pairs of fur-lined muck-lucks and a razor-sharp harpoon. And what tiny Chihuahua couldn’t use a poncho and an enormous sombrero to throw his sense of balance into a tailspin?
All I’m asking is think about it. I feel that these outfits could help a lot because let’s face it; the sooner we all identify you, the sooner we can all avoid you.
Daniel J McAuliffe Scripps Ranch 4-29-2010