Blogs | Daily Crasher
Party Crashing with the President, Car Crashing with Tiger
By Josh Board | Posted November 28, 2009, 2:20 p.m.
I was all set to blog about Tiger Woods. There was so much going on with that story. First, the fact that I had heard that he and his wife were fighting over affairs he supposedly had two hours before news of the crash broke (he was leaving his house after 2 a.m.)
They say most accidents occur within a few miles of your house, but this was ridiculous.
The best part was his wife using a golf club to get him out of the vehicle. I could see him coming out of his daze to yell "Not my good sand wedge!!!"
If he was having affairs, ya think maybe that golf club was used to smash his window, not to rescue him? That could've caused the accident. We'll see when the reports come out. The 911 call is coming out tomorrow.
I loved watching the newscasters say the weirdest things to explain who Tiger Woods was. I can't remember them now, but the Union-Tribune in their headline wrote "golf pro Tiger Woods."
Isn't Tiger Woods kind of like Madonna, Michael Jackson, or Michael Jordan? When they get in an accident, you don't need to explain who they are.
Two of my friends sent emails, saying I had to comment on the "party crashers" at the White House dinner.
Apparently the guy is trying to get onto a reality show. I wonder if Richard Henne is somewhere screaming "Why didn't I think of that? A stupid helium balloon over an airport instead of the White House!!!"
Knowing his idiotic mind, he would've designed a balloon and tried to float into the White House garden, only to be shot down for being in restricted air space.
So, let's review reality show contestants. Amorosa, Jon and Kate, three of the biggest dopes around.
That guy that killed his wife and himself, after that VH1 reality show, and now this. You wonder when the reality show attempts will end.
Remember, it was that local guy in Encinitas that first did the "marry a millionaire" reality show, and there were doubts as to whether he had millions.
He had a toilet in his front lawn. And a marriage that lasted a week.
We had our own local party crasher that had met a President before this couple. Dion Rich, who I interviewed for the Reader years and years ago.
He's a Point Loma resident who had crashed 20 straight Super Bowls, even appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated carrying Cowboy coach Tom Landry off the field.
He once crashed an event and had his photo taken with President Clinton. That also got him a five hour visit with the Secret Service, who laughed about it afterwards.
They aren't laughing about this latest incident, and charges might be pending (apparently, lying to the Secret Service is considered illegal).
What I always wonder with stories like this...will the first Secret Service agent that let the couple in be fired? They should be.
It's one thing if a person climbed through a window. It's another if you just walk up and can wear a tuxedo and talk your way into an event.
Rich always said that you can act like you belong and dress nice, and people won't bug you. I think it helps that he's a senior citizen.
I think security is more worried about the metal detectors. So many things set them off, that when a couple like this comes up, it's the least of their concerns.
The procedure for this event seemed like it would be a tough nut to crack. This wasn't some party at a swanky pad in Rancho Santa Fe, that you could slip into and meet the First Lady.
A week before the event, an engraved invitation was sent from the White House. Invitees needed to RSVP to a telephone line, leaving their name, Social Security number, and birthday. All this for background checks.
You also needed to leave the make, model, and license plate number of the vehicle you'd be driving.
Their vehicle was turned away, so they walked up (with a film crew catching it all).
I remember signing up for a tour of the White House a few years ago. And I was amazed at how easy it was. Although, we only saw a few small areas with antique furnture and paintings of various first ladies. The White House likes portraits.
Now, why didn't this couple just have a portrait done? They could've tried to hang it up on the White House wall. That would've been cool.
President Obama met with that racist guy from Harvard, and the cop that arrested him. They laughed about the incident over a few beers.
Yet, I hadn't heard about him inviting any Special Olympic athletes to the White House after saying some insenstive things regarding his poor bowling skills.
Maybe this couple will be invited back for a beer with Obama. And they can film it all for the next reality show --
Beers with Obama.
I wonder if Richard Henne is somewhere screaming "Why didn't I think of that? A stupid helium balloon over an airport instead of the White House!!!"
i thought the same thing!
And yet one more reason i haven't watched TV in 5 years... reality shows... i've missed them all and yet, truly, i haven't missed anything at all.
You crashing parties... you're not really "crashing" them, are you? Don't you usually get invites?
i crashed a party in fourth grade, a classmate, her name was Marguerite, who didn't invite me as i was not in the "popular crowd" and she was. Well, i think i must have had kind of a "girl crush" on her and just decided i was gonna go! So i got a present at the local Target-type store and had my Mom drop me off. Looking back now, i can't believe i did that... really ballsy for an 8-year-old.
*pats self on shoulder* go Karen! hahaha
By KarenBP 8:54 p.m., Nov 28, 2009 > Report it
Okay, well...don't leave us hangin'. What happened? I'm assuming it wasn't a big fight or you would've said that. I'm guessing that an 8-year-old that sees one more present, won't send you away.
By JoshBoard 1:40 a.m., Nov 29, 2009 > Report it
Do they make you take an oath that you will tell the truth? If not, I would think that would be tough to prove that you lied with malice. That is why they do it in court, even though most people know that you can't lie in court (and they are typing everything you say verbatim)
Besides, I think this couple did them a favor. They showed where the security was lacking. Good thing it was just a party crash, not a terrorist or assassin.
By psychopharm 2:02 a.m., Nov 29, 2009 > Report it
Comment removed by website administrator.
They said that lying to the Secret Service is against the law, so...I'd have to ask a lawyer why.
hi fumber. Good to see ya.
By JoshBoard 3:03 p.m., Nov 29, 2009 > Report it
What I don't understand about this story is that the couple might get charged with trespassing. Last time I checked, the White House was public property. Seeing as nobody has ever said that the couple had been banned from there, how could they be charged with trespassing?
By PistolPete 7:19 p.m., Nov 29, 2009 > Report it
I heard that they're now trying to sell their story for a few hundred thousand dollars. They postponed an appearance on Larry King to try to cash in.
Pete, I don't remember all the details I read. But apparently, what they did is illegal and they could be charged.
By JoshBoard 1:12 a.m., Nov 30, 2009 > Report it
Federal Lying Statute—No Oath Required
The federal lying statute contained in Title 18 of the U.S. Code Section 1001, states that: “(a) Except as otherwise provided in this section, whoever, in any judicial matter within the jurisdiction of the executive, legislative, or judicial branch of the Government of the United States, knowingly and willfully (1) falsifies, conceals, or covers up by any trick, scheme, or device a material fact; (2) makes any materially false, fictitious, or fraudulent statement or representation; or (3) makes or uses any false writing or document knowing the same to contain any materially false, fictitious or fraudulent statement or entry shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years or both.”
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If they ask you a question, in an official capaity, and you lie them them, it's a felony. You do not have to be under oath or making an official statement. It's basically like obstruction of justice.
By Ponzi 7:24 p.m., Nov 30, 2009 > Report it
They said on CNN today, that there could be some EXTRA charged tacked on, since they were doing this as a means to make money and profit from. I'm not sure I buy that (no pun intended).
By JoshBoard 10:43 p.m., Nov 30, 2009 > Report it
Ponzi, does this qualify as a "judicial matter"?
By rickeysays 1:38 a.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
18 U.S.C. § 1001 is very large and broad in scope. I only copied the first paragraph of several pages.
You do not have to be under oath, you merely have to lie to a Federal Agent, in the course of his official duty, to be charged.
There are Federal Trespassing laws also. Want to find out? Jump the fence at a miltary base.
By Ponzi 10:23 a.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
I guess you missed the "“(a) Except as otherwise provided in this section.." part of the paragraph?
By Ponzi 10:25 a.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
This TIGER story is getting nutty. Now a woman claims to have sexy-emails with him. And now more women are coming out claming to have had affairs with him.
Tiger's dumbest idea was to call the press "stupid". That is like pouring blood in the water, near a bunch of sharks. Feeding Frenzy!
By RobertScorpio 11:51 a.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
Well, not exactly, Scorp. I seriously doubt the media is one way. And an athlete makes a comment about them being "stupid" and then they decide -- okay, we're gonna show him now! The media is ALWAYS going to be looking for dirt like this, because it sells papers. It could be the nicest athlete on the planet, that was always polite and kind to reporters (something Tiger wasn't). And they'd still turn on the athlete, if it meant headlines.
But yeah, Tiger should definitely keep the golf clubs out of his wifes sight for a few days. Lots of stories are coming out.
By JoshBoard 2:59 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
Oh, and I heard an interesting thing about the White House Crashers. They did an interview on some network. Apparently, they were FORCED into it, because when she wanted to be on one of those Desperate Housewives of D.C. shows, they made her sign something stating the network had all the rights to whatever she did in the media. And, they used this clause to make her do an interview with their network (I believe it was Bravo and ABC, which are owned by the same company)
By JoshBoard 3 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
"Scorp"?
By Duhbya 3:09 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
I hope she does not sprain her wrist counting all that money when she gets half of everything he has. You go girl!
By DaniLauder 4:07 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
I call him "scorp" and I call you "duh". It just seems...right.
By JoshBoard 4:32 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
Josh, do you think Tiger can recover? Will Al Sharpton chime in and say its just white america tearing another black man down???
By RobertScorpio 5:10 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
I heard Tiger's pet name for her was "the ball washer".
By rickeysays 7:43 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
And now?? A woman in ESCONDIDO claims to have had a 2yr affair with Tiger. If true, Tiger is a complete moron. HIS WIFE IS ROCKIN, and he's doing this? WHAT A COMPLETE MORON. Of course, it's white america's fault.
By RobertScorpio 7:47 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
How long can it be until the celebrity sex tape comes out? Then we'll find out which of his ethnicities Tiger REALLY takes after.
By rickeysays 7:53 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
Scorp, ever since Fatal Attraction came out my senior year of high school, I had to explain to men how it goes down with cheating. Because, nobody could understand why Michael Douglas cheated on Anne Archer (his hot wife in the movie) with Glenn Close (who...well, she played Robin Williams mother in a movie just five years previously!)
I think men cheat because it's someone "different". Not because the woman they are cheating with is "hotter" than their wife.
By JoshBoard 9:20 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
Based on popular consensus, the black and Asian combo washes out Tigers penis size, so they are obviously sleeping with him for the bragging rights.
By Ponzi 9:38 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
#24
suck'a!
Rino
A man for all seasons
By arinoman 10:11 p.m., Dec 1, 2009 > Report it
RE #18: Ok, I get it now. "Scorp" just sounded like something that calls for an "Excuse me" after uttering it. LOL
By Duhbya 11:09 a.m., Dec 2, 2009 > Report it
Yeah. And I could just as easily say "Rob". My bad.
Well, if you're gonna go Tiger jokes, how about this:
The police finally found out why they were out at 2:30 a.m. They were going CLUBBING.
or
He hit a fire hydrant and a tree. I guess he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
(I'm here all week, folks)
By JoshBoard 3:59 p.m., Dec 2, 2009 > Report it
I heard with more women coming out of the "woods"...Tigers wife is really getting "tee'd" off!
By JoshBoard 2:53 p.m., Dec 3, 2009 > Report it
The latest Tiger joke I heard: He's changing his nickname from Tiger, to Cheetah.
By JoshBoard 4:37 p.m., Dec 6, 2009 > Report it
I came up with mine. Joe Rogan would kick your a$$ for stealing material.
By rickeysays 6:34 p.m., Dec 7, 2009 > Report it
I never said I wrote those Tiger jokes, just that they were the latest.
I thought of an idea, to take the Survivor song "Eye of the Tiger" and write a parody about him with an eye for Hooters and Fridays waitresses. Then, to make sure nobody else had done that, I googled. Sure enough, some people had (one was a lame song called "Club of the Tiger" about his golf club, which would've been better if it was "Iron of the Tiger" as it sounds more like "eye"). So, I put that idea away.
By JoshBoard 7 p.m., Dec 7, 2009 > Report it
If only Weird Al had shown that much judgment.
By rickeysays 7:04 p.m., Dec 7, 2009 > Report it