Jay Allen Sanford 8 p.m., Jan. 18
- Community Blog
- Daily Crasher
There were a few interesting stories I couldn’t decide between blogging on.
There was that idiotic, 86-year-old owner of the Tennesse Titans. As his team beat the Bills, he decided to flip off the crowd. And it cost him $250,000.
I love the fine. Players have been fined $10,000 for such gestures. But those guys just put their bodies on the line in a game, and have some obnoxious fans yelling vulgarities at them. It’s almost understandable when they snap. An owner, eating caviar in the box seats, should chill out and act more professional.
Another fun story was 50 Cent, who appeared on The Tonight Show. I gained a lot of respect for him in how he handed a situation.
The nerdiest kid around…posted some online message about how he lost respect for 50 Cent because he is selling out. He called him a “media whore,” and said that he has a few good songs but because of all this, he loses street cred and he wouldn’t be a fan anymore. I think all this stems from him having a cologne come out.
The Canadian kid had braces, and a gap in his two front teeth that puts Letterman to shame. He’s got these goofy, squinty eyes, and talks like he might be a bit slow.
50 Cent thought the best course of action would be to….wanna guess?
Put a hit on him? Nah…that’s what some teacher did on a student the other day, but that’s another story for another time. 50 Cent is hardcore. He wouldn’t hire someone. He’d take care of matters himself.
He called the boy and talked with him. He then flew him and his family out. He joked to Conan, “I then said ‘What the Hell did you say that stuff for?!!” He laughed and then said they talked about the situation, and now the kid talks smack about other people and not him. It was funny, and a great way to handle something negative.
But the story that takes the cake, comes out of jolly old England.
A woman had to quit her job at a biscuit factory. Wanna guess why?
No, she didn’t gain a hundred pounds her first week.
She has been having 300 orgasms a day, and the machines set this off (not sure why she couldn’t just invest in some ear plugs; maybe putting ear plugs in would cause orgasms, too). When I hear the Blues Brothers song “Rubber Biscuits,” I’m going to be laughing now for a whole different reason.
KOGO comedian/newsman Chip Franklin joked that the woman smokes a cigarette after each one, and now has lung cancer.
I said that there are probably plenty of guys in England that have 300 orgasms a day. They’re unemployed, sitting in front of their computers, and developing a bad case of tennis elbow.
One weird quote from the woman is that she said she finally found a boyfriend that could keep up with her. Well, I’m wondering…why does a boyfriend have to keep up with her? She suffers from what’s called Sexual Arousal Syndrome. And, if this is causing her to have all these orgasms each day, a man doesn’t have to keep up, does he? And using that logic…are woman going to have to keep up every time their boyfriends/husbands get aroused? If so, nobody is going to ever leave the house.
Her boyfriend of six months is having sex with her 10 times a day. If I was dating her, I’d say, “Can’t you do what men have done for a 100 years? Think of baseball. Or Larry King. That would drop your number down significantly.”
And how does she know she has 300, anyway? Did she count them all one day? And, I’m not going to do the math, but…I’m guessing that’s over two orgasms an hour, right?
Anyway, this story reminded me of a girlfriend I had in college. She had a disorder that caused her to have an orgasm every time she sneezed.
For Christmas I gave her salt and pepper shakers.
More like this:
- Rack 'Em — Aug. 19, 2009
- Weird Reason for a Party — Oct. 30, 2003
- Their Teachers Molested Them — April 25, 2002
- Haves and Have-Nots — Feb. 1, 2001
- Anybody Who Saw Jan Kerouac Knew She Was Jack's Daughter — June 26, 1997