Matthew Suárez 11 a.m., May 27
- Community Blog
- Daily Crasher
That's a really lame title for a blog. It makes me think of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Or the Queen song "Dragon Attack".
I thought about going with something like that stupid Gwen Stefani song, but just thinking about her spelling banana, would've put that nasty ear worm in my head. And I didn't want to do that to anyone.
When I heard that a teenager attacked people with a banana, I immediately went back to those lame old comedies my stepdad watches. People like Harold Lloyd, the Keystone Cops, or [insert black-and-white physical comedian here].
I thougth the teenager peeled the banana and threw it on the floor. He yelled that if anyone tried to escape, they'd slip and break their neck.
But what this kid in Winston-Salem did was try to rob the place concealing the banana beneath his shirt, so it would resemble a gun.
The 17-year-old could've used a fake gun. Or the ever popular finger, which always works wonders as a fake gun in a jacket pocket.
The store owner and a customer jumped the kid and held him until authorities arrived.
Now, are you ready for my favorite part of the story? Okay, I'll do it multiple choice so you can have some fun.
Guess what happened before the authorities arrived....
-- The store owner shoved the banana in one of the kids orifices. -- When the kid was tackled, the banana smeared all over his clothing. -- When the kid was booked into county, one of the inmates said "Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just happy to be here?"
Okay, well...none of those happened. What happened was -- as the teenager sat there waiting for the police, he ate the banana.
Now, this blows me away on so many levels. First...why would the store owner and the other customer let this kid up? What if he ran away? Don't you keep someone pinned down until authorities show up?
Second, isn't the boy destroying (or eating) the evidence? I can just see the police showing up and asking where the weapon is, and the boy pointing to his stomach.
Either way, it made for an interesting story. Maybe we'll see it in News of the Weird next week.
More like this:
- Want to out your gun-toting neighbors? There's an app for that — Nov. 13, 2013
- Don't Bring a Bat to a Gun Fight — June 4, 2009
- Fake Friends — Nov. 21, 2007
- Before It Was The Gaslamp: PS — Sept. 4, 2007
- What does the #4011 stand for on banana stickers? — Sept. 21, 2000