Jeff Smith 4 p.m., Dec. 20
- Community Blog
- Daily Crasher
Buying Brides With Beer
I heard on Headline News that a woman was auctioning off her virginity, and the bidding was in the millions. But these stories pop up ever few years, and everything that can be said about 'em already has been.
What I found funny about this one is that the girls older sister was a prostitute (great role model), and she said she wants to be able to pay for her college the way she did, and then become a marriage counselor.
I'm guessing if she makes a few million dollars, she'll drop out of college and become one of those Girls Gone Wild chicks, partying for the next few months; until the millions are gone and she's putting her body on the market again.
But can you imagine if she does finally make it to becoming a counselor? The couple is taking advice from a woman that was basically a high paid hooker.
But, the more interesting story happened in Greenfield. Police arrested a man for aranging to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage with an 18-year-old.
And no, he didn't get a couple million. He was supposed to get $16,000, 100 cases of beer, and several cases of meat.
I would've loved to have been in the room when this deal was brokered.
"No, no, no. I can't take. Sure, I have no problem with the $16,000, that's fine. But my daughter is a cutie. I'll need you to throw in...uh, let's say...100 cases of beer. And some meat. I mean, after all, I'm giving you some meat. It's only fair."
"No, not Pabst. It's gotta be Budweiser, or we're making it 200 cases."
Now, here's the great part. You know how the police found out about this? HE CALLED THEM!
Because the 18-year-old didn't come thru with all the money and beer that he had promised.
Let's hear that 911 call. Please.
"911, what's the nature of your emergency?"
"Yeah, ma'am, like...this chollo took my daughter."
"Has she been kidnapped?"
"No. But, we had a deal, SA. And, he didn't bring the Dos XX that he promised."
How did the beer even make it into the deal? Does the guy work for a brewery? It reminds me of Kramer in that Seinfeld, settling with a life time supply of coffee.
Apparently, Marcelino de Jesus Martinez didn't think he was doing anything wrong, since his daughter was willing to marry the guy.
And, 18-year-old Margarito de Jesus Galindo (yep, another "de Jesus") was also arrested on suspicion of statutory rape.
I immediately thought of this guy in prison, since you always hear about people bartering for things with packs of smokes. It's already going to be tougher for him negotiating his first deal.
Tyrone is going to ask for 100 packs of cigarettes for something he'd normally get 5 smokes for.