I had dinner with some friends in New York. They're Christian.

We ate at this 50s diner, and the guy asked if I wouldn't mind if they said a prayer. I said "Not at all."

He put his head down, and went on and on about God blessing the food. He then started thanking God for me being in town. He asked God that I have fun while in town. I wanted to interrupt and say "Oh, I'm sure I'll have fun. You don't have to ask God to help us out there. There's probably a kid starving in Africa I'd rather God look after."

And as I ate my chili cheese fries, I started thinking about religious people, and how odd their beliefs are.

I'm not very religious, but I like to think there's a God up there. But I'm smart enough to know that if there is one, it's going to be like the God in Bruce Almighty. No, not an old black guy with freckles that narrates movies. But his philosophy, on how he can't possibly answer every prayer. If God did answer some, that really opens a flood gate.

One woman is praying that her child be born with no complications, and God grants this. At the same time, a woman is being raped and murdered by another person. And, well, God either looked the other way, or who knows what.

Ricky Gervais said it best on Letterman a few weeks ago. His friend believed there was a Noah's Arc, and he said "Why didn't the animals eat each other? A lion, next to a deer?" The guy responded that the animals rallied, because it was a disaster. Ricky then said "There are over 30,000 species of spider. Were they all there, too?"

And, I thought of that exchange when I heard a news story a few days ago about a guy being bit by one of those deadly Brown Recluse spiders. Usually when you read about them in the news, it's some prisoner that's bitten, and ends up dying. This time, the Recluse bit a person in a wheelchair, that was then able to walk.

I have to think that at least some people in this guys family will think this is a miracle performed by god. Instead of it being what it really is.

And, after scientists start working with this spider, and figuring out what toxic properties are involved in the venom and everything else....

Well, I would ask anyone that thinks that was a miracle from God....if the big guy is going to get involved in animal venom and what it does to people, he needs to check out those religious people down south that handle rattle snakes. Instead of them dying from a periodic bite, maybe help them with their arthritis. After all, those guys are actually spreading the world. The guy in the wheelchair probably wasn't doing anything to spread the word about God and Jesus. I'm willing to bet he was complaining (and rightly so), about his situation, or about a building that wasn't ramp accesable.

The next time there are teenagers that can't afford to buy any drugs, and they start licking frogs and getting high from it...I know who they can thank.

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Comments

TFB April 1, 2009 @ 12:07 p.m.

Josh,

I agree with you about religion (sorry to those who will be offended). It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me, though I am fine with other people having their own beliefs. For me, I don't really need religion to help me be a better person or have a social life, which can be two of the good things about religion, I suppose, if we were making a list.

But I wanted to add that the Ricky Gervais comment is funny, but not original. Check out the hilarious book, Letters from the Earth, the Uncensored Writings of Mark Twain. He discusses the Ark at length, wondering why God would save the 15,000 species of biting flies. I think it was Twain who also wondered if it could really be considered "Heaven" if there was irritating harp music constantly being played.

Just thought I'd add to the ruminations of us hopeless non-believers.

TFB

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magicsfive April 1, 2009 @ 3:19 p.m.

god i hope so...best entertainment in here... xoxo

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Josh Board April 1, 2009 @ 3:23 p.m.

TFB...I thought when Rick was saying those things, I had heard them before. It was still funny to hear him say it, with his giggly, chubby face. He's hysterical.

I did think it was funny, when discussing two recent documentaries with the Christians...they all saw Ben Steins film. But not Bill Mahers. To me, that's odd. It's like a Republican listening to Rush Limbaugh, just because they want a windbag that says the things they feel.

Now, I saw Mahers documentary, and it had its moments. But I didn't care for him insulting some of the people that felt strongly about their religion (ie the truckers that had a chapel off the freeway they stopped at).

But yeah, Fred should have a few comments on this.

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antigeekess April 1, 2009 @ 4:44 p.m.

"Now, I saw Mahers documentary, and it had its moments. But I didn't care for him insulting some of the people that felt strongly about their religion (ie the truckers that had a chapel off the freeway they stopped at)."

Mmmmm...check it again. I remember him being pretty good with the truckers in particular, specifically thanking them for being "Christ-like, and not just Christian."

Bummer about that Christian music CD in the Bubbamobile you were tooling around in the other day. Any idea whose it was?

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Josh Board April 1, 2009 @ 4:53 p.m.

You know what, anti? You're actually right. Now that I think about it, he was pretty respectful of them, actually. I guess it's just the point of it. The fact that he's going to go there, with people that obviously don't have the highest IQs in the world, and even question their faith. It seemed like a low blow, but yeah, he was nice about it. Even when that one trucker got heated, and was ready to sock him one.

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rickeysays April 2, 2009 @ 2:35 a.m.

I guess the termites on the ark went on a 40 day fast.

As XTC said: Dear god, Hope you got the letter, And I pray you can make it better down here. I dont mean a big reduction in the price of beer, But all the people that you made in your image, See them starving on their feet, cause they dont get enough to eat

From god, I cant believe in you.

Dear god, Sorry to disturb you, But I feel that I should be heard loud and clear. We all need a big reduction in amount of tears, And all the people that you made in your image, See them fighting in the street, cause they cant make opinions meet, About god, I cant believe in you.

Did you make disease, and the diamond blue? Did you make mankind after we made you? And the devil too!

Dear god, Dont know if you noticed, But your name is on a lot of quotes in this book. Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look, And all the people that you made in your image, Still believing that junk is true. Well I know it aint and so do you, Dear god, I cant believe in, I dont believe in,

I wont believe in heaven and hell. No saints, no sinners, No devil as well. No pearly gates, no thorny crown. Youre always letting us humans down. The wars you bring, the babes you drown. Those lost at sea and never found, And its the same the whole world round. The hurt I see helps to compound, That the father, son and holy ghost, Is just somebodys unholy hoax, And if youre up there youll perceive, That my hearts here upon my sleeve. If theres one thing I dont believe in...

Its you, Dear god.

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Josh Board April 4, 2009 @ 11:12 a.m.

I always liked that XTC song, but I never really knew the lyrics. After she says "Dear God," I just kinda get swept up in the melody.

Hey, there was a "real life Spiderman" in some other country. Apparently, a boy was on top of a building that was on fire or something. And he was autistic, and wouldn't come down. He loved Spiderman, so someone dressed in a Spiderman outfit, and helped rescue him.

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Josh Board April 6, 2009 @ 9:48 a.m.

I remember, as a kid, seeing a movie called "Nunzio" (I probably spelled that completely wrong). This retarded guy lived in a NY neighborhood. Other boys did mean things to him, like pulling his pants down when he was in a liquor store.

He always wore a Superman outfit, and layed on the swings on his stomach, and pretended he was flying.

At the end of the movie, there was a fire, and nobody could save the kid on top of the building. He went up there "thinking" he was superman, grabbed the kid, and jumped from the building.

Safely into the firefighters nets below.

I remembered, as a 12-year-old, just loving that ending.

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antigeekess April 1, 2009 @ 3:06 p.m.

"...wait for it..........

Fred?"

LOL. My thought exactly. I'm sure that both the Godless Heathen Delegation & the Holy Roller Brigade will be along shortly to duke it out, going over the same old s***.

Over.

And over.

And over again.

In a Universe of endless possibilities, some things NEVER change.

Maybe Fred will even get an "I'll pray for you" out of it.

:)

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Russ Lewis April 6, 2009 @ 4:06 p.m.

rickeysays: Proper nouns are capitalized. FYI.

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