Ian Anderson 5 p.m., July 22
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- Daily Crasher
A Real Life Spiderman
I had dinner with some friends in New York. They're Christian.
We ate at this 50s diner, and the guy asked if I wouldn't mind if they said a prayer. I said "Not at all."
He put his head down, and went on and on about God blessing the food. He then started thanking God for me being in town. He asked God that I have fun while in town. I wanted to interrupt and say "Oh, I'm sure I'll have fun. You don't have to ask God to help us out there. There's probably a kid starving in Africa I'd rather God look after."
And as I ate my chili cheese fries, I started thinking about religious people, and how odd their beliefs are.
I'm not very religious, but I like to think there's a God up there. But I'm smart enough to know that if there is one, it's going to be like the God in Bruce Almighty. No, not an old black guy with freckles that narrates movies. But his philosophy, on how he can't possibly answer every prayer. If God did answer some, that really opens a flood gate.
One woman is praying that her child be born with no complications, and God grants this. At the same time, a woman is being raped and murdered by another person. And, well, God either looked the other way, or who knows what.
Ricky Gervais said it best on Letterman a few weeks ago. His friend believed there was a Noah's Arc, and he said "Why didn't the animals eat each other? A lion, next to a deer?" The guy responded that the animals rallied, because it was a disaster. Ricky then said "There are over 30,000 species of spider. Were they all there, too?"
And, I thought of that exchange when I heard a news story a few days ago about a guy being bit by one of those deadly Brown Recluse spiders. Usually when you read about them in the news, it's some prisoner that's bitten, and ends up dying. This time, the Recluse bit a person in a wheelchair, that was then able to walk.
I have to think that at least some people in this guys family will think this is a miracle performed by god. Instead of it being what it really is.
And, after scientists start working with this spider, and figuring out what toxic properties are involved in the venom and everything else....
Well, I would ask anyone that thinks that was a miracle from God....if the big guy is going to get involved in animal venom and what it does to people, he needs to check out those religious people down south that handle rattle snakes. Instead of them dying from a periodic bite, maybe help them with their arthritis. After all, those guys are actually spreading the world. The guy in the wheelchair probably wasn't doing anything to spread the word about God and Jesus. I'm willing to bet he was complaining (and rightly so), about his situation, or about a building that wasn't ramp accesable.
The next time there are teenagers that can't afford to buy any drugs, and they start licking frogs and getting high from it...I know who they can thank.