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Plaxico Dumbass and other NFL losers
By Josh Board | Posted December 1, 2008, 9:17 a.m.
Since the football games were yesterday, maybe a blog on the constant NFL police blotter.
I was thinking about it this morning, and I really can't believe the NFL has games.
With, I'm guessing, 75% of the league being idiots, I don't know how it's possible.
Each team has over 50 players, and with 75% of them probably having an IQ less than 80, it's truely an amazing feat that we get any games.
Every day, there is some current or former NFL player being arrested. It can be burglary, rape, take your pick.
The two most recent: Tebucky Jones (gotta love their names, too). He's a former Patriot (uh, by "patriot" I mean he played for New England). He got in a fight in a Connecticut casino.
He touched a woman "inappropriately", and then punched her boyfriend. He was charged with assault, breach of peace, and fourth-degree sexual assault.
The more popular story involves Plaxico Burress (again with the names...maybe it's good; the names can help us identify losers better).
He tried to get into one club, and was furious they wouldn't let him in with his gun. Nevermind the fact that he doesn't even have a permit to carry the weapon. Never mind the fact that some clubs locally, won't even let law enforcement officers in with their guns.
Anyway, this former receiver that had such a great Super Bowl, finally did get into a club with his gun. And, he accidentally shot himself in the right thigh. You see, he had gotten drunk, and the gun slid down his pant leg.
The Giants, who had suspended him earlier in the year for something, are probably going to be done with him. But, another team will pick him up. I guarantee that. Half the NFL has a history of crime, so why would this be any different?
I really wish this gun shot would've gotten him in the testicles. I know that sounds horrible to wish on someone, but do we really need a person like this having kids?
Plus it would have lowered his testosterone to a much more manageable level. I'm with you on this one. These guys are out of control and instead of getting punished for their actions they are constantly being rewarded. They are role models for kids and teach impressionable young minds that being a thug will enrich you beyond your wildest dreams. I'm glad he shot himself. It's the same little thrill I get when hunters shoot each other. The Darwin Award Winners.
By MsGrant 12:31 p.m., Dec 1, 2008 > Report it
Love the Darwin Awards.
I am not as into hunters shooting themselves, even though I'm not a hunter and think there's something a bit weird about that whole "sport". Sure, when a guy has his dog step on his gun, while he's checking out the elk he just bagged. Yeah, how can you not love that? Animals "fighting back."
Ya know, when Michael Vick (back before his dog fighting days), went to Mexico, and a woman sued him for giving her VD, he told this lady his name was Ron Mexico. I guess thinking of names is tough for NFL players, so you go with the country you're in. Anyway, this makes me think of two things.
One, the fake name Burress used. It was "Harris Smith." Who has the first name "Harris"? Maybe it sounded like "Burress" and he didn't want to be confused. And, if you want a name that sounds like it, he should've gone with Ron Plaxico!!! It's perfect!
And, for him to think doctors will just stitch you up, and send you on your way. Without wanting the story behind the gunshot. He also didn't count on medical staff recognizing him (which they did...after all, homeboy was the MVP of the Super Bowl).
One radio show played clips of him being arrested. A few guys were yelling "Black Power," and generally supportive statements. One white guy says "He's an idiot," and a black person nearby says "What'd you say that for, mutha&^%#!?!?!" It's so weird that everything is race. Can't everyone agree he's an idiot, even if you are the same race as said idiot?
I wonder, regarding the name, if he'll want to do an Ocho Cinco, and change his name. The back of the jersey would be H. Smith.
By JoshBoard 3:16 a.m., Dec 2, 2008 > Report it
On the hunting accident tip, let's not forget the topper, our dear Vice President capping his elderly homeboy in the face with a shotgun. As the Daily Show put it, Cheney Got A Gun. As Letterman put it, "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney." As Cheney's elderly homeboy put it, "Ouch."
In Plaxico's defense, it does seem like one thing as common as NFL players in scrapes with the law is NFL players getting robbed at gunpoint and even shot. Darrent Williams, Sean Taylor, Richard Collier, Javon Walker, etc. And the day after Plaxico's accident, his teammate Steve Smith was robbed at gunpoint of cash, phone, and jewelery. I think I see a potential approach for Plaxico's defense attorneys.
In fact, add in the increasingly third-world-like dispersion of incomes in the U.S., and the extra desperation inherent in a crumbling economy, and it starts getting hard to believe that any celeb would go out in public without protection these days. I guess they just gotta take the extra step of making sure the protection is 100% legal. Because the rest of us always follow the letter of the law, right?
By shizzyfinn 3:53 p.m., Dec 2, 2008 > Report it
Nice post, shizzy.
I met a secret service agent at a party. He told me Bush senior shot a guy in the arm on a hunting trip. That never made the news. And, that secret service guy joked about it, and on future hunting trips, stayed in the bullet proof limo (he figured the president was safe...after all, he's carrying a gun!)
I remember Sedalle Threatt (wow, love those names their mamas choose for them) got robbed at gun point, at a gas station in Inglewood right after a Lakers game. Part of the problem is...they're all blinged out. That attracts attention.
As horrible a tragedy as Bill Cosby's son was, you think if he wasn't changing the tire on a sporty Mercedes, that would've happened?
Or that Raiders receiver...Javon Walker. He was in a club, throwing hundreds around, buying champagne, and showboating with all his money. He then got robbed and beating. Hey, that's a shock.
And if you make millions each year, pay some homie (from your old 'hood), $75,000 a year to be your bodyguard, and carry all the fire arms.
I'll end with a joke:
What do you call Plaxico Burress camping?
Criminal intent.
By JoshBoard 1:41 a.m., Dec 3, 2008 > Report it
If you are a millionaire, hire the strippers, hookers, drug dealers, your posse, etc. and have them come to YOUR CRIB!!
I think these stupid athletes get what they deserve, being in public and blinged out.
I agree with you Josh, Burress will be picked up by somebody (Cowboys, Raiders?) and it will continue.
As far as IQ level in athletes. The only way most are going to get bank is if they put their time into a sport. They are not going to college to get a degree and career...just to make it into a pro sport, that is their one chance. Then kids see this and the cycle continues. There is no push to study and learn, only to make a fast buck in this society. NOT that spending your whole life working to be pro is easy or fast. But that is the idea given to todays youth.
One thing that I am on the other side of the fence is the Mayor of N.Y. coming out with "he has to serve time" "anyone caught with a gun in N.Y. has to serve at least 3.5years"
COME ON!! Are you telling me EVERY thug picked up for burglury, extortion, drug dealing, battery, discharge of firearm, ALL serve 3.5 years min. if they have a gun. I doubt they have that many jail cells in N.Y.
Most are probably charged with the harsher crime and plea away a weapons charge, serve very little time and are released.
Since Burress is a pro, the Mayor comes down on him to set an example. PLEASE, that is bogus.
That is where being a celebrity or pro athlete works against you....at least this time.
By cardig 10:29 a.m., Dec 3, 2008 > Report it
My girlfriend said it best. Plaxico shouldn't serve more time than a regular citizen would for the same offense. That being said, my logic is, I don't care if losers spend the rest of their life in prison. Even if it's for stealing a pack of gum from a liquor store.
Yeah, the Raiders or Cowboys would be perfect teams for him to end up on. Good call.
Did you see this Charger player...think it was M. Wiley, not sure. He said he had a gun for two years, and it freaked him out so much. He always had his hand on it, in case there was trouble. Once someone went to his car window to ask him directions, and his hand was on it, just waiting. But, the best part of this interview is him saying how he got so freaked, he finally just threw it off a bridge one day as he was driving.
Again...the IQ these players possess. To think that's the best way to dispose of a fire arm.
On KGB this morning, Cookie talked about the IQ of athletes. Said LT has a 98, and Burress was at 120. Not sure how true any of that is.
By JoshBoard 11:20 a.m., Dec 3, 2008 > Report it