So, I'm watching Letterman, and trying to finish the Thursday Union-Tribune.

I get to the section with short crime stories. They're usually the same ol' thing. Someone got carjacked. A 7-11 was robbed, etc.

But this news story seemed so funny, in the way it was written. The headline is: PASSENGER FIRES 5 TIMES AT PEDESTRIAN BUT MISSES.

It's in Chula Vista, and here's the second paragraph (I'm not making this up, I swear):

The target, a man in his 20s visiting from out of town, ducked into a nearby Jack in the Box restaurant and ordered some food. He didn't call police, but some witnesses did.......

Now, I don't know which is funnier. That the guy "ducked into Jack in the Box" when a hail of gunfire came his way. Or that he then ordered food. Was it the nearest building? And did he all of the sudden say "Gee, ya know, dodging gun fire always makes me hungry. I think I'm gonna grab a burger. And maybe those 99 cent tacos. Those are always good."

Did a customer say "Excuse me, sir? Do you need us to call the police?"

Uh...yeah, that'd be great. I lost my cell phone in all the running and hurdling I did to get away from the, you know, bullets and all. Just make sure if they need to question me, they wait until I finish my food."

If they catch the shooters, will the victim (er, target) ask that if they ever try to take him out again, that it be near Mr. A's.