Don Bauder 1:26 p.m., Aug. 2
- Community Blog
- Come Rattle My Cage
Liar Liar Pants on Fire /edit
this was written back in 2010...when i was still a comedian...hahahahaha...my "Come Rattle My Cage" blog is public again for those who might want a laugh or two
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?'' "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband? The Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the seamstress.The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.. You see, if I had said "no" to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.
Then if I said "no" to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said "yes," you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said "yes" to George Clooney. And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others
. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
Signed, a woman who can't sew and would rather have Brad Pitt please
More like this:
- A Typo of a Peculiar Type (part 3, conclusion) — Feb. 15, 2012
- Liar Liar Pants On Fire/edit — June 10, 2010
- Mission Valley After the Floods — April 30, 2009
- Here Comes the Bride — June 1, 2006
- Bethel Memorial African Methodist Episcopal Church, Stockton — June 1, 2006