It pays to have an eclectic group of friends so one never runs out of material. One of my lesbian friends, Callie, related the following: She has a new girlfriend, call her Simba. Callie and Simba are deeply in lust and as with many relationships, they celebrated their union with a visit to the Adult Toy Store. There they found the perfect dildo, a beautiful light blue strap-on model they promptly dubbed Perry Winkle. Perry was the top-of-the-line model, setting them back about $50.00. But the promises he held made the outlay of cash naught but a worthwhile investment to both Callie and Simba. And when you divided the cost by two willing payers, it made him doubly worth the price. They decided that Callie would take Perry home and they would get together on the weekend to take Perry on his inaugural run. Callie happens to work in the field of sexually-transmitted disease prevention, and even though Perry was new and un-used, Callie decided to err on the side of caution and opted to boil him to remove any opportunistic germs that may have been lurking in Perry's private places. She rummaged around in her kitchen for a pot with enough girth to submerge her new plaything and gently placed Perry in the water. The pot was set on the stove to simmer and Callie retreated to the bedroom where she busied herself with some chores while she waited to remove Perry from his antiseptic bath. Before long the unmistakable aroma of putrefying plastic pervaded the air. Callie noticed the smell but it took a few moments to register what it was. The piercing sound of the smoke alarm reminded her too much time had passed and she realized her new play pal was still in the pot. Callie rushed into the kitchen as Perry smoldered in his waterless grave. The house was filled with the acrid smell of toxic overcooked dildo. Perry died that night and was buried in the pot in which he perished, deep in the dumpster outside. She had to open all the doors and windows in order to facilitate the removal of the obnoxious odor. Callie mourned the loss of her new friend Perry, the waste of her money and time and the intimate moments she had dreamed of with him that would now never materialize. Plus she had to sleep with extra blankets because of the cold air that entered through the open windows. What a loss. You can't make this stuff up.

Comments

Sign in to comment