It’s half past two in the morning at the Mission Hills Santana’s. A line of starving drunks talk loudly about their karaoke conquests at Lamplighter. Dapper locals mill around the salsa bar, texting. Sulky debutantes bitch about too much sour cream. It’s a classic Santana’s Saturday.

“Bohemian Rhapsody” comes over the jukebox. A few patrons take notice and mutter a lyric or two between mouthfuls of carne asada fries. “Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?” Burritos fly out of the kitchen. More lyrics are mumbled. “Because I’m easy come, easy go. Little high, little low.”

Suddenly, the front door flies open. An inspired drunk stumbles in, thrusts his horchata cup skyward, and bellows: “Mama! Just killed a man! Put a gun against his head! Pulled my trigger, now he’s dead!”

Everything clicks. Rolled tacos and chicken tortas are temporarily forgotten. Hazy-eyed patrons with salsa red grins leap up on chairs, raise a poetic hand to the heavens, and sing. “Mama! Life has just begun! But now I’ve gone and thrown it all away!”

Strangers embrace. Guacamole high-fives make their rounds. A call and response chorus erupts. “Scaramouche! Scaramouche! Will you do the fandango?”

A pea-coated patron struts across the restaurant howling into a California ‘rito microphone. “Beezlebub has the devil put aside for me! For ME! FOR MEEEEEE!”

The guitar solo hits and everyone goes ape tits. The cooks let tortillas burn in order to channel epic solos through spatulas. A few can’t take it and vanish entirely in a cilantro-scented flash of spontaneous combustion.

“Nothing really matters. Anyone can see. Nothing really matters, to me.”

An insurance salesman stomps his bow-tie into the ground. A high school football star finds God. A Hells Angel sheds a single tear into his taquitos.

”Anyway the wind blows...”

Comments

CuddleFish Feb. 22, 2010 @ 1:41 p.m.

Oh My God, the neighborhood bloggers come through again and save my day!!!!

Bravo, bravo, bravo!!!!

standing O

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PistolPete Feb. 22, 2010 @ 2:10 p.m.

LULZ!!!! This is so un-Sandy Eggo, it's hilarious. Wish I would've been there. I would've videotaped it for prosperity.

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SDaniels Feb. 22, 2010 @ 2:32 p.m.

"A few can’t take it and vanish entirely in a cilantro-scented flash of spontaneous combustion."

Sweet. Tastes like $500 to me!

Oh, and astronaught, wouldja pass along a hello and a desperate plea for our friends Pike & Adam's return? ;)

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PistolPete Feb. 22, 2010 @ 2:49 p.m.

I kind of figured it was seeing that it took place in Sandy Eggo but hey, they say the sun shines on a dog's ass every now and then....

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Origami_Astronaught Feb. 22, 2010 @ 5:18 p.m.

Let's be fair SDaniels. Creative non-fiction? It's mostly true, anyway. :-) Pete - did notice a few cellphone vids being taken. Apparently not on youtube yet. I'm joining Adam tonight for Drunk Poets Society and will def encourage him to get Stella out of her funk and back on the blog!

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PistolPete Feb. 22, 2010 @ 5:40 p.m.

Hmmmm....My apologies then Origami. I thought SD knew it was fiction. I assume everything on these blogs is true unless specifically stated otherwise. Obviously SOME things are overly exaggerated but I digress. ;-D Great blog either way Origami.

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MsGrant Feb. 22, 2010 @ 7:01 p.m.

I was going to post earlier that everyone has had a Bohemian Rhapsody story, somewhere, sometime, when the song started and everyone's ears perked up and someone took the lead and before you know it you've assumed your role:

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? Bismillah! No, we will not let you go Let him go Bismillah! We will not let you go Let him go Bismillah! We will not let you go Let me go (Will not let you go) Let me go (Will not let you go) (Never, never, never, never) Let me go, o, o, o, o No, no, no, no, no, no, no (Oh mama mia, mama mia) Mama Mia, let me go Beelzebub has the devil put aside for me, for me, for me!

Gives me chills just thinking about it!! Party on, Origami!!

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CuddleFish Feb. 22, 2010 @ 7:24 p.m.

Kay, are we all ready to declare Bohemian Rhapsody the BEST SONG EVER INVENTED???

Even though I have no BR story, sadly ... my childhood was very deprived. Adam Lambert sang that for one of his audition songs, though, oh and that's Simon Cowell's favorite song.

http://www.adamlambert.org/videos/adam-lambert-audition/

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Origami_Astronaught Feb. 22, 2010 @ 9:48 p.m.

Rumor has it our man Pike has inspired similar sing-alongs at Small Bar in days past. The song truly is an epiphany.

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PistolPete Feb. 22, 2010 @ 9:51 p.m.

Yeah. Too bad Adam Lambert evicerated it with a dull butter knife....

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antigeekess Feb. 22, 2010 @ 10:16 p.m.

Great blog entry, Origami. Don't spend it all in one bar.

:)

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Origami_Astronaught Feb. 23, 2010 @ 5:13 a.m.

And thanks for all the kind words folks. :-)

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SDaniels Feb. 23, 2010 @ 7:51 a.m.

If it employs all of the devices of fiction, then it is to be enjoyed as fiction, right? :)

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PistolPete Feb. 23, 2010 @ 10:48 a.m.

I just love how my comments get deleted around here. I guess CityBeat IS better in that respect..... :-| And it WAS an epic simile! :-D

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antigeekess Feb. 23, 2010 @ 3:22 p.m.

Re #18: Yup. Now that your remark about Lambert's been deleted, it looks like I'm calling you a dull butter knife.

You may be a lot of things, Pete, but I wouldn't say that "dull" is one of them.

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CuddleFish Feb. 23, 2010 @ 3:37 p.m.

Really? "Dull" is the first word that jumps into my mind. "Boring" being the second.

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SDaniels Feb. 23, 2010 @ 4:29 p.m.

What are you peeps talking about? The butter knife comment about Lambert is still there. Was there another comment I didn't see? 'Swere to gawd I feel like an old confused lady today...;(

Oh, speaking of Lambert, Cuddle:

A new show coming to Sundance called "Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys":

http://girlswholikeboys.com/media.php

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CuddleFish Feb. 23, 2010 @ 5:08 p.m.

Yes, there was another comment.

Will take a look at the link when I am done with dinner, thanks Daniels. :)

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CuddleFish Feb. 23, 2010 @ 6:41 p.m.

Wow, sounds like a great book, I will have to read that one.

Now, my dear, why in the world would you think I could relate to a book like this?

:)

imagines Daniels falling out of her chair laughing

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PistolPete Feb. 23, 2010 @ 9:24 p.m.

I was just stating a fact. No need for cens-er wait.....this is The Reader. There's ALWAYS a need for censorship. I might offend the nazis...

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antigeekess Feb. 23, 2010 @ 9:55 p.m.

Re #21:

I may have to check out that book as well, Daniels.

http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?qwork=10757649&matches=17&keyword=girls+who+like+boys+who+like+boys&cm_sp=workslistingtitle

sigh Such is the fate of an incorrigible girlfag.

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SDaniels Feb. 23, 2010 @ 10:40 p.m.

Yes, it's a book, but the link I posted should have been to the telly show coming up on Sundance. I like that the book is a collection of essays, though, and would like to check it out, too. Looks like Alibris has it for $4.44. Can't beat that ;)

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SDaniels Feb. 23, 2010 @ 10:47 p.m.

Btw, the title of this blog should read "Bizarre tales..." Or should it? No one has EVER noticed that I spell the word as "wierd" instead of "weird." Two reasons: 1. "wierd" is a viable alternate spelling, and 2. I like the sense of the uncanny it somehow creates when you reverse the "i" and the "e"...;)

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Adam92102 Feb. 23, 2010 @ 10:53 p.m.

Re: #10- Yes, Pike and another co-hort definitely had Small Bar rockin' out to some Queen, though in retrospect, it could have easily been We Are the Champions. It was late when it all went down (though isn't that usually the case?) so my memory of that evening is slightly hazy. The goal was to find a song that would unite an entire bar of strangers, and the one thing I remember about that night is that it clearly did. I think Queen just has that strange, ethereal effect on people whether you know the drunk frat boy sitting next to you or the hot female at the other end of the bar is your best friend. Either way, good times were in abundance that evening just as it appears it was for you at Santana's.

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antigeekess Feb. 23, 2010 @ 10:58 p.m.

"No one has EVER noticed that I spell the word as "wierd" instead of "weird.""

I noticed every time. I just didn't say anything.

:)

"2. I like the sense of the uncanny it somehow creates when you reverse the "i" and the "e".."

You mean it's wierd?

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Origami_Astronaught Feb. 23, 2010 @ 11:11 p.m.

You are prob right about the title, SD. Though, I 'spose if yr gunna misspell a word, "bizzare" and "wierd" are good places to start.

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SDaniels Feb. 28, 2010 @ 2:52 a.m.

Hey, peeps, "wierd" IS a viable, correct spelling. Part of my point about the "uncanny." Wake up, it's only 2:51 in the morning ;)

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