The Canyoneers 1 p.m., May 4
Casting Katy Perry's Blade Runner sequel the right way.
So Katy Perry announced that she'd like to play Rachael in Blade Runner 2, because of course:
But wait, you say: Blade Runner 2? Of course. The alternate ending from the "Final Cut" kind of leaves it open, no?
And what with the whole "Deckard is a replicant" thing... heck, one of the drafts even ended with Gaff chasing Deckard and Rachael as they speed through the woods.
Deckard and Rachael are in Deckard's apartment. He asks her if she loves him, and if she trusts him, and she says yes. He packs some stuff and they head for the elevator, but he sees a tiny unicorn made of tinfoil: "Gaff's gauntlet." Then Deckard drives through the woods at 160 miles per hour. Deckard and Rachael smile at each other, but a blip flashes on the vidscreen of Deckard's car. Deckard puts the tinfoil unicorn on the dash. Deckard's car zooms through the woods, and he gives us a last voice over:
I knew it on the roof that night. We were brothers, Roy Batty and I! Combat models of the highest order. We had fought in wars not yet dreamed of... in vast nightmares still unnamed. We were the new people... Roy and me and Rachael! We were made for this world. It was ours!
And then the camera pans up above the woods and we see Gaff's spinner, chasing them. The script says: "CREDITS ARE ROLLING, God help us all!" The end.
Now MTV.com got to it first, because I was all busy with movie critic stuff yesterday, but they made a hash of it. They used pop stars instead of actors, because, well, Katy Perry. And they cast it as if they were doing a remake. Seriously? Roy? The most significant death of the original film - one of the most significant deaths on screen ever - and you're just going to bring him back to life? We're doing a sequel here, people. Let's take our job seriously.
Still, I don't think it's crazy to bring someone back - they're replicants, after all, so if we make them once, we might maybe make them again, especially if they're as...appealing as Pris was. So yeah, let's bring Pris back for the sequel, maybe make her the central antagonist. And let's cast an actor. I like Gillian Jacobs' face for this one. Gaff is a no-brainer: who besides Benicio Del Toro can match EJO's ruined landscape of a face? I may be reaching with Michael C. Hall subbing in for Harrison Ford, but something just resonates.
If somebody wants to ship me a contract and a crate of pills, I can have a first draft done by next Friday.
More like this:
- Importance of the gaff — Feb. 12, 2015
- Origins: James Cameron's Piranha Part 2: The Spawning — Sept. 30, 2013
- Trailer Park: Seventh Son — Aug. 2, 2013
- Happy Fourth from Katy Perry! — July 4, 2012
- San Diego Katy Perry Fans, Now's Your Chance! — June 28, 2012