David Dodd 1:48 a.m., May 18
Fox 5's Josh 'Water' Board spits in reporter's eye during Zero Dark Thirty review
Josh Board has the best job in the world. Each week he gets to spend half an hour in the back seat of a convertible with Heather Ford.
The warning call arrived after yesterday morning's taping causing an alarm for today's broadcast to be instantly set.
I start every day with Fox 5 in the Morning. The station's film critic, Josh Board, is a friend who has on numerous occasions heard tell of my fascination with Fox 5 reporter, Heather Ford.
She first appeared on Fox 5 in 2008, like an angel out of this open sewer. Out of this filthy mass, she is alone. They... cannot... touch... her.
She's every Jewish nerd's dream, a flawless blue-eyed, blonde-haired shikse Dreamsicle. Were we in high school together, I'd have spent four years staring at Heather out of the corner of my eye without once summoning up the nerve to speak.
They should have fired the cameraman who lit last week's Drive-In Reviews segment. It was so dark, Heather was reduced to floating teeth and eyes. Keeping Board in the dark is one thing. Let Heather shine!
Another week, another affront. During today's review segment that featured 'Water' Board's reaction to the trailer for Zero Dark Thirty, Josh punctuated one of his thoughts with a gob of spit that dotted the radiant reporter's eye.
Josh phoned-in the scoop immediately following yesterday's taping. He said the effrontery would air in its entirety and that Heather took it like a pro and rolled with the spittle.
I keep checking for a wedding ring. Yeah, right. Like I would stand a chance with Heather Ford. According to her bio, "She is an active member of the Triathlon Club of San Diego, US Crossfit in Encinitas, and spends most of her time training for Ironman distance triathlons."
My favorite exercise is coughing.
Next time, Heather, pretend you're a salad bar and work with a spit-shield.