Jay Allen Sanford 7 p.m., May 28
Haven't seen this one yet, but there are some genuine chills in the trailer.
Children who don't come home for family gatherings because they're playing video games with their friends. Is it at all surprising that the trouble starts here?
I mean, Mom said that company was coming in five minutes when she called, and from the look of things, our boy didn't head home for a couple of hours. Whatever happens later is clearly a result of poor family dynamics.
Good gravy, look at all those off-gassing plastic cups! All that pre-packaged, trans-fat-laden food! Terrifying.
Granted, that haircut is scary in its own right, but come on - toys at the breakfast table?
Now they're stepping things up a notch - the neighbor who asks if everything is all right at home is nine kinds of scary.
The "urban element" creeping into your neighborhood!
The Internet as Bringer of Truth! Yikes!
Honeybee colony collapse is frightening enough. Now imagine it as explained by Hunter S. Thompson there.
When your wife gets a tattoo without consulting you, it's time to worry.
Rashes in hard to see places. This is getting unbearable.
Here's our hero, standing in front of his beautiful house. He has it all, and yet he simply stars into the night sky, wondering what it's all for. Because existential horror is the horroriest horror of them all.
Aggressive fat people!
People who don't keep their files in a folder on the desktop of their computer marked "missing children," but instead pin them to the walls! Someone needs to do an Apple ad where they help a conspiracy theorist prove his point with an iPad mini.
The Photo Effects setting on the Photo Booth app!
Unregulated gun ownership! Terrifying.