• Big Screen alerts

The 02/22/13-02/28/13 edition of Gaslamp Programming Chart, my favorite weekly email, just arrived and with it news of 10pm only screenings this Friday and Saturday night of a new cinematic sensation.

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Hansel and Gretel Get Baked? Did Harvey Weinstein go stark raving mad and produce an animated children's comedy about the Holocaust?

Then I read five words that, when put together, form the most horrifying sentence in the English language:

Either some exec at Tribeca Film has been hitting the vaporizer on the way to the boardroom or everyone at DeNiro's production company caught a contact high. Watching the trailer one gets the feeling that what little amount of originality went into this stops with the title.

They didn't forward a screener and what with those remarkable pigs at Whoreton Plaza taking away our free parking, it's doubtful that I'll make it down to the Gaslamp this weekend.

Burnouts will have to act quickly. Unless by some miracle of fate this weekend's pair of 10pm shows sell out, it's doubtful that "Hansel & Gretel Get Baked" is likely to pass this way again.

Note to Jo Ellen Brantferger, Regional Publicity Director for Reading Cinemas: I see that you're doing similar 10pm only screenings of Jeffrey Dahmer Files the weekend of March 1. Please make sure to place a screener of the dumbwaiter and send it up tout de suite!

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