John Donne 9 p.m., May 27
Shia LaBeouf is the gift that keeps on giving.
So the kerfuffle between Shia LaBeouf and Alec Baldwin from a while back came up again when The Beef went on Letterman, and that gives me a chance to do what I should have done back then: illustrate various lines from Shia's lifted-from-Esquire email about the matter with images from Shia in the various Transformers movies.
"A man knows his tools and how to use them – just the ones he needs. Knows which saw is for what, how to find the stud."
Dude, what does this thing do?
"A man can tell you he was wrong. That he did wrong. That he planned to. He can tell you when he is lost."
Guys, I think I did something wrong. But it's okay, I meant to. And guys? I'm a little lost here.
"A man grasps his mistakes. He lays claim to who he is, and what he was, whether he likes them or not. Some mistakes, though, he lets pass if no one notices. Like dropping the steak in the dirt."
Just look cool, Shia. No one will notice. Like dropping a steak in the dirt.
"A man is good at his job. Not his work, not his avocation, not his hobby. Not his career. His job."
I think I put the toner in the wrong port on the copier again!
"He does not rely on rationalizations or explanations. He doesn’t winnow, winnow, winnow until truths can be humbly categorized, or intellectualized, until behavior can be written off with an explanation."
How the hell did I score with Megan Fox?