Don Bauder 1:26 p.m., Aug. 2
British 'ninjas' silence disruptive theatre patrons
The movie has been on for less than 10 minutes when some punk with a short attention span decides that whatever he has to tell his friend back home can't wait until after the closing credits roll. The dumbbell powers-on his smartphone, piercing the darkness with its distracting blue glow. Quicker than you can say Sho Kosugi, a team of black-clad ninjas descend upon him to put an end to the loutish behavior.
Too bad the Prince Charles Cinema in Leicester Square won't allow it's roving band of auditorium assassins to use shurikens or puffs of smoke to permanently silence offending patrons. The theatre recently hired -- if you can call free movies in exchange for their services employment -- a team of auditorium security guards dressed as members of a feudal Japanese society of mercenary agents (highly trained in martial arts) to put an end to talking and texting in the dark.
Reader fashionista Siobhan Braun take note: the 'ninjas' attack dressed in black, form-fitting Lycra costumes known as morphsuits. The all-in-one accoutrements should be big sellers at costumes stores come Halloween.
The only thing more distracting than a cellphone going off in the dark is a group of black-clad frustrated dinner-theater players scrambling to silence it. If theatregoers don't already know to place their cellphone in the glove compartment of their car before entering an auditorium they have pus for brains and all the ninjas in the land aren't going to scare any sense into them.