David Batterson 12:30 p.m., April 29
Bert Fields, a Hollywood lawyer on the side of America's good taste
Ageless movie star Tom Cruise is suing the publishers of Life & Style and InTouch for suggesting that he has abandoned his daughter Suri. That's all well and good, but the real news comes from Cruise's lawyer, Bert Fields, a man who is not afraid to expose the truth about his client's enemies:
"These serial defamers are foreign owned companies with their global headquarters in Hamburg. They take money from unsuspecting Americans by selling their malicious garbage. Having to pay a libel judgment may slow them down."
Aiiiee! I'm so aghast, I fear I will have to get someone else to clutch my pearls for me. Foreign-owned, you say? You mean like Columbia Pictures, a serial crap-extruder that is a foreign owned company with its global headquarters in Tokyo? A company that takes money from unsuspecting Americans by selling malicious garbage like Jack & Jill, That's My Boy, Hotel Transylvania, Here Comes the Boom, and Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (and that's just in 2012)? Having to suffer critical judgment hasn't slowed them down any, that's for certain.
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