Dorian Hargrove 2:30 p.m., April 18
Hoggish Peter Jackson Adds 9 Hours to Moviegoers Lives With Hobbit Trilogy
Peter Jackson announced that he's figured out a way to wring even more money out of his latest franchise, The Hobbit.
Originally planned as a combo, The Hobbit will now be released in three parts. I don't know about you, but much to the anger of my high school English teacher, I couldn't make it past the second chapter of Tolkien's adolescent snooze-fest let alone a nine-hour trilogy.
Part 1 is scheduled to be released in December of this year and Part 2 will hit screens in December of 2013. Wanting to spare us three consecutive years of coal in our Christmas stockings, the third film is slated to be released in the summer of 2014.
I can think of worse ways to spend my time, but not many. Twenty-five minutes into The Lord of the Rings found me racing towards the exit door, never to return.
Why even waste my breath? As much as you Star Wars mental patients bitched about how awful Episodes 1-3 were, you still managed to make Lucas even wealthier than he already is. (We also have you idiots to thank for Red Tails. If even one of those wretched SW prequels tanked, Lucas would surely have hung up his lightsaber.)
After being bored by the very thought of the Rings trilogy — and lest we forget Jackson's unnecessary (and accursed) remake of King Kong — there is little this man can do to court my favor. Unless he teams with Marty or decides to direct a film that clocks in under 90 minutes, I've suffered through my last Peter Jackson film.
Considering that each entry in The Hobbit series is bound to run around three hours, I have Mr. Jackson to thank for adding an additional nine hours to my life.