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Peter Jackson announced that he's figured out a way to wring even more money out of his latest franchise, The Hobbit.

Originally planned as a combo, The Hobbit will now be released in three parts. I don't know about you, but much to the anger of my high school English teacher, I couldn't make it past the second chapter of Tolkien's adolescent snooze-fest let alone a nine-hour trilogy.

Part 1 is scheduled to be released in December of this year and Part 2 will hit screens in December of 2013. Wanting to spare us three consecutive years of coal in our Christmas stockings, the third film is slated to be released in the summer of 2014.

I can think of worse ways to spend my time, but not many. Twenty-five minutes into The Lord of the Rings found me racing towards the exit door, never to return.

Why even waste my breath? As much as you Star Wars mental patients bitched about how awful Episodes 1-3 were, you still managed to make Lucas even wealthier than he already is. (We also have you idiots to thank for Red Tails. If even one of those wretched SW prequels tanked, Lucas would surely have hung up his lightsaber.)

After being bored by the very thought of the Rings trilogy — and lest we forget Jackson's unnecessary (and accursed) remake of King Kong — there is little this man can do to court my favor. Unless he teams with Marty or decides to direct a film that clocks in under 90 minutes, I've suffered through my last Peter Jackson film.

Considering that each entry in The Hobbit series is bound to run around three hours, I have Mr. Jackson to thank for adding an additional nine hours to my life.

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Comments

Ghost_of_dolores_hope Aug. 2, 2012 @ 12:42 p.m.

Remember at the end of Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie they turn around in the screening room and ask 'how was it?', and Spielberg says it was a good movie? That was priceless. Jackson must have had similar moments with Spielberg and Lucas.

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Scott Marks Aug. 3, 2012 @ 7:04 a.m.

Tim and Eric kill just about everyone at the end of the movie, but they let spielberg live. I have very little respect for them.

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Colonna Aug. 2, 2012 @ 3:06 p.m.

If even one of those wretched SW prequels tanked, Lucas would surely have hung up his lightsaber.

"Even More American Graffiti" - we catch up with the gang in the Reagan era 1980s... gnarly! From the director of "Star Wars"!

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