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Marty is there. Let's do it!

Ricky Gervais is so concerned with referencing his own irreverence he forgot to be funny.

When did Johnny Depp get the faux British accent? And in case you're wondering why a star of his magnitude is opening an awards show by introducing a clip from Hugo, it's because he was one of the film's producers.

Albert Brooks looks great!

Sorry, Albert. They gave it to Plummer to make up for slighting him when The Sound of Music came out.

Enough already. Play Plummer off!

TV awards. Time for a smoke.

Presenting Miss Golden Globe. Now if only they could get the cue cards positioned properly. Where's Barny McNulty when you need him?

Diane Lane's looking good. Nice work!

What's with all the Brits winning?

Jeremy Irons with Golden Globes President, Dr. Aida Tac-o Lugosi.

Precious' teacher just gave former substance abuser/sitcom star Kelsey Grammer a trophy over Steve Buscemi, star of Boardwalk Empire.

Mandy Patinkin is in rehearsal for The Eugene Levy Story.

The should have used Bernard Herrmann's scorce from Vertigo to play off Ludovic Bource.

They played off Madonna. It's about time someone did.

Who's the chick in the nightie talking about peace at the Golden Globs?

From here on in, Sophia Vergara will be referred to as a Stooge woman.

I'd have to be smashed to get through Spielberg's Smash. It looks like Burlesque with Anjelica Huston in the Cher role.

Angie looks like she bought a fresh pair of wax lips at The Halloween Store.

I for one resent foreign dames like Kate Beckinsale coming to our shores and robbing American Actresses of stupid, one-dimensional doormats to play.

Michelle Williams, winner for Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy, is a San Diego gal, I might add.

Great. Now Peter Dinklage is going to get all of the parts normally offered to Jason "Wee-Man" Acuña. How do you like those bullies in the band playing the little guy off?

Appropriately enough, Jessica Alba and Channing Tatum introducing the best cartoon awards.

So far, Marty 0, spielberg 1.

Woody beat out The Artist?! ALL RIGHT!!!

I thought American Horror Story referred to Jessica Lange's plastic surgery.

Madonna called Ricky Gervais a girl. What an outrageous, cutting-edge madwoman...20 years ago.

Ben Kingsley directed A Separation? Seriously, at last a deserving award!

Claire Danes shops for wax lips at the same Halloween story as Angie.

Matt LeBlanc wins an acting award?! On what planet?

Who is the black dude with the Kangol hat parked in the Samuel L. Jackson seat?

As long as Octavia Spencer was accepting the award on behalf of domestics everywhere, why didn't she thank Snowflake, Louise Beavers, and Nicodemus?

All the money in the world and time to be pampered. What's with the skanky dark roots? Is this an awards ceremony or the corner of El Cajon and 35th?

Didn't someone tell Sidney Poitier this wasn't a funeral?

Clooney should win for best director over Marty.

Image

I was so wrong about the beautiful members of the Hollywood Foreign Press. We salute the wise and munificent members of the Hollywood Foreign Press for their perspicacious choice of Martin Scorsese as the Best Director of 2011 for his work on Hugo, a Paramount release of a Graham King production currently playing in 3D at Reading Cinemas Gaslamp 15.

You notice they didn't play Marty off. They know who's the boss.

These clips from War Hearse are bringing it all back.

2 hours and 33 minutes into the show and Gervais finally got me to smile by rightfully accusing Colin Firth of being a racist.

Meryl Streep rubber-stamped another award. Sorry, Tilda Swinton acted circles around your impersonation of Maggie Thatcher.

Class act, Meryl! You didn't even thank Margaret Thatcher.

Clooney's sincerely insincere tribute to Brad Pitt followed by a Shame-less penis joke was a show highlight.

If it wasn't Hugo, The Descendants wasn't an awful choice, but who was the pompous ass talking about the timelessness of the piece two months after it opened?

When Marty wins, America wins! Drive safely, everybody. G'night!

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Comments

joelthomas Jan. 15, 2012 @ 5:19 p.m.

Depp picked up the accent when he moved to France. Faux rebels move to France. Real rebels move to France and develop a British accent.

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joelthomas Jan. 15, 2012 @ 5:46 p.m.

British director husband with a British (only) schoolgirl fetish. He yelled "Cut! Again, but with the accent!" in the sack so many times that she had to either develop the accent or dig out Spicoli's number. (Insert your own "Snatch" joke here.)

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joelthomas Jan. 15, 2012 @ 5:53 p.m.

See, she ditched the accent when she and Guy split.

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sigskitchen Jan. 15, 2012 @ 5:43 p.m.

You wouldn't say that about Kelsey Grammer if you'd seen "Boss". His performance was amazing, very dark and very funny. I always thought Buscemi was miscast.

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Danny Baldwin Jan. 15, 2012 @ 5:46 p.m.

Does anybody on the face of the earth get STARZ?

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Scott Marks Jan. 15, 2012 @ 5:51 p.m.

Listen, Sig, Grammer is out joyriding on a coke and booze fueled binge and introduces his car to a tree. What does NBC do? They give him a new car AND a new sitcom. I hate this pampered pig.

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sigskitchen Jan. 15, 2012 @ 5:54 p.m.

I'd say a good portion of that audience is pampered.

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sigskitchen Jan. 15, 2012 @ 6:12 p.m.

The last time the microphone stood at Peter Dinklage level was when Shirley Temple won in 1935.

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Scott Marks Jan. 15, 2012 @ 6:19 p.m.

Or Jack Palance when he performed one-arm pushups.

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Ghost_of_dolores_hope Jan. 15, 2012 @ 6:26 p.m.

Keith Richards also does one arm push ups, with a fag (cigarette) sticking out of his puck. Don't forget the push ups Bogie did, without he rug, filming The African Queen.

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Ghost_of_dolores_hope Jan. 15, 2012 @ 6:33 p.m.

"There's nothing foreign to me about a foreign film." - Madonna via script writer. Look at those biceps!

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Ghost_of_dolores_hope Jan. 15, 2012 @ 6:36 p.m.

Dustin Hoffman- "My wife and my Asian (agent). Hey, look at my hair and orange skin!"

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Scott Marks Jan. 15, 2012 @ 6:40 p.m.

Sophia Vergara is so orange, she looks like she's auditioning for the lead opposite Gumby in "The Art Clokey Story."

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sigskitchen Jan. 15, 2012 @ 7:17 p.m.

Sorry, the best director of the year was David Cronenberg. Lars von Trier was a close second. Scorsese didn't even break the top ten.

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Scott Marks Jan. 15, 2012 @ 7:23 p.m.

Cronenberg has never bored me, until this year. Anyone could have directed "A Dangerous Method." It's a by-the-numbers collection of pictures of people talking. I'll have to watch "Melancholia" again. Any film championed by both Sig Sackowicz and Dave Kehr must be reexamined.

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Ghost_of_dolores_hope Jan. 15, 2012 @ 7:29 p.m.

And the best actor is!: everybody knows The Artist sucks; what a lackluster reception. Brendan Gleeson looks thoroughly burned at being snubbed.

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Ghost_of_dolores_hope Jan. 15, 2012 @ 7:30 p.m.

As for Cronenberg: ExistenZ was his last masterwork.

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Ghost_of_dolores_hope Jan. 15, 2012 @ 7:32 p.m.

Oh yeah, Eastern Promises... forgot that one.

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tward77 Jan. 16, 2012 @ 9:45 a.m.

Spot-on commentary as usual. What was the defecation joke count at the end of the night?

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