Don Bauder 6:45 p.m., April 17
The Real Brett Ratner Oscar Resignation Story
Brett Ratner has resigned as director of the 2012 Oscars. And while you'll read various accounts of why and how Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences President Tom Sherak and his nonagenarian Board of Directors went from supporting an embattled artist to putting a Help Wanted ad in Variety, a source close to both The Big Screen and the AMPAS Florist & Hairdresser Division gives us the real scoop.
"Honey, it all comes down to one admission from the Rat-man during his astonishing interview with Howard Stern: 'I do jerk off a lot.' You and I both know that the entire point of the Oscars is to provide that particular service to the Beautiful People on the screen. If a director is taking care of himself, he's not taking care of the talent, and you wind up with Snow White singing 'Proud Mary.' Nobody wants that."
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