Ian Anderson 3 p.m., Sept. 25
A Closer Look at the Trailer for Jack the Giant Killer
It's Lazy Day here at The Big Screen, and to start things off, we have the laziest intro to The Magic Geegaw at the Heart of the Story ever, as Earnest Young Fellow explains the famous magic beans to Jack:
"They're holy relics from a very special place far, far away. They are born of dark magic. They have the power to change the world as we know it."
Well, which is it? Are they holy relics? Or are they born of dark magic? I'm not sure they can be both. "And lo, Saint Ambrose dropped to his knees and prayed to Our Lord for a sign, and the Lord heard his cry, and in His mercy, He sent His army of demonic mutant monstrosities to rape, torture, and defile the very souls of everyone in that place."
Also, has there ever been a more generic description than "a very special place far, far away"? I mean, at least Star Wars gave us the specificity of "a galaxy." And Star Wars ain't exactly the gold standard for screenwriting excellence.
Also, "the power to change the world as we know it" isn't exactly "the power to plunge the world into a shadowy realm of terror and despair," you know? I could come up with an example of something that changed the world as we know it in a perfectly mundane way, but then, this is Lazy Day, and this trailer hardly seems worth the effort. Let's just let the lazy tagline hammer home the laziness, shall we?
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