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Fighting off a hangover brought on by having too much fun at last night's Reader Christmas party, I awake to the soothing news that Marty hath received a Golden Globe nomination for His great and glorious holiday offering, Hugo. It was how the golden-globed TV "actress" brought word of His recognition that left me reaching for the waste basket.

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She ain't pretty no more!

Look how she makes Him look. Like a bum. Like a mamaluke. Mamaluke of the year! While announcing the best director nominees for this year's poor man's Academy Awards, ditzy drag queen impersonator Sophia Vergara referred to Him as "Martin Scorsez." Ricky Riccardette manages to ace Hazanavicius and flub Scorsese. Nice work, Charo.

Is Carnage a comedy? Is The Help a drama? Is that Meryl Streep under all the latex? Did George Clooney make the house payments for every member of the Hollywood Foreign Press -- who once again prove the only thing foreign about them is their taste -- in order to ensure a best director nod?

The Globes will be glad-handed out on January 15. Controversial bad boy Ricky Gervais will once again host. Forget opening musical numbers and monologues. This show had better commence with an effusive 30-minute public apology.

Click to watch the offending clip.

MOTION PICTURE, DRAMA

The Descendants, The Help, Hugo, The Ides of March, Moneyball, and War Horse.

MOTION PICTURE, MUSICAL OR COMEDY

50/50, The Artist, Bridesmaids, Midnight in Paris, and My Week With Marilyn.

FOREIGN-LANGUAGE PICTURE

The Flowers of War, In the Land of Blood and Honey, The Kid With a Bike, A Separation, and The Skin I Live In

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

The Adventures of Tintin, Cars 2, Puss in Boots, Rango, and Arthur Christmas.

DIRECTOR

Woody Allen, (Midnight in Paris), George Clooney (The Ides of March), Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist), Alexander Payne (The Descendants), and Martin Scorsese (Hugo).

ACTOR, DRAMA

George Clooney (The Descendants), Leonardo DiCaprio (J. Edgar), Michael Fassbender (Shame), Ryan Gosling (The Ides of March), and Brad Pitt (Moneyball).

ACTRESS, DRAMA

Glenn Close (Albert Nobbs), Viola Davis (The Help), Rooney Mara (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo), Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady), and Tilda Swinton (We Need to Talk About Kevin).

ACTOR, COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Jean Dujardin (The Artist), Brendan Gleeson (The Guard), Joseph Gordon-Levitt (50/50), Ryan Gosling (Crazy Stupid Love), and Owen Wilson (Midnight in Paris).

ACTRESS, COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Jodie Foster (Carnage), Charlize Theron (Young Adult), Kristen Wiig (Bridesmaids), Michelle Williams (My Week With Marilyn), and Kate Winslet (Carnage).

SUPPORTING ACTOR

Kenneth Branagh (My Week With Marilyn), Albert Brooks (Drive), Jonah Hill (Moneyball), Viggo Mortensen (A Dangerous Method), and Christopher Plummer (Beginners).

SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Berenice Bejo (The Artist), Jessica Chastain, (The Help), Janet McTeer, (Albert Nobbs), Octavia Spencer, (The Help), and Shailene Woodley, (The Descendants).

SCREENPLAY

Woody Allen (Midnight in Paris), George Clooney, Grant Heslov, and Beau Willimon (The Ides of March), Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist), Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon, and Jim Rash (The Descendants), and Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin (Moneyball).

ORIGINAL SCORE

Ludovic Bource (The Artist), Abel Korzeniowski (W.E.), Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo), Howard Shore (Hugo), and John Williams (War Horse).

ORIGINAL SONG

Hello Hello from Gnomeo & Juliet - Music by Elton John. Lyrics by Bernie Taupin. The Keeper from Machine Gun Preacher - Music and lyrics by Chris Cornell. Lay Your Head Down from Albert Nobbs - Music by Brian Byrne. Lyrics by Glenn Close. The Living Proof from The Help - Music by Mary J. Blige, Thomas Newman, and Harvey Mason, Jr. Lyrics by Mary J. Blige, Harvey Mason Jr., and Damon Thomas. Masterpiece from W.E. - Music and lyrics by Madonna, Julie Frost, and Jimmy Harry.

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CECIL B. DEMILLE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD

Morgan Freeman

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