Dave Rice 12:30 p.m., Oct. 8
Short Takes: Conan the Barbarian
Leo Howard plays the callow Conan.
The opening passage, with a tough, near-mute little scrapper (Leo Howard as “Young Conan”) beating the snot out of every adult the script throws him, held promise. There’s the reasonably engaging running-of-the-egg procession (contestants hold the speckled-cackleberries in their mouths, so no spoons required) and Lil’ C even orchestrates a Chinatown tribute of sorts. As the Big C, all the insufferably preening Jason Momoa can muster is a hint of Ashton Kutcher on steroids. The filmmakers wisely let the overbearing CGI and occasionally effective 3-D gimmicks supplant acting and storytelling. At least the brutality and bevy of “topless wenches” demand an R-rating “for strong bloody violence, some sexuality and nudity.” Too bad Hyborians don’t know curse words. Glorified garbage-recycler Marcus Nispel (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th) directed. Rent the John Milius original instead. With: Rachel Nichols, Stephen Lang, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan, and the voice of Morgan Freeman.
Rating: One Star
More like this:
- Tijuana sells out of dollars — Nov. 9, 2013
- EXCLUSIVE, BABY: First on-set photo from Arnold's new Conan film! — Oct. 26, 2012
- Ted Leo & the Pharmacists fill your punk-rock prescription at Casbah — Sept. 1, 2010
- More From The Quizmaster — March 4, 2004
- Bullwhip, Bagpipes, or Cobra? — Feb. 12, 2004