John Donne 9 p.m., May 27
Lucas Parts with 40 Additional Hours for Star Wars Blu-ray
His beneficence, Star Wars' star whore George Lucas, has decided to bless his minions -- and make a few million mansion payments -- by bestowing upon them 40 additional hours of heretofore unseen (irrelevant?) material for the September 16 release of the six-film serial on Blu-ray.
40 hours? I thought that was the amount of time the actors didn't spend cavorting before a green screen during the filming of Parts I- III combined? How much more of this light, industrial nostalgia-for-sale can Lucas possibly have left hidden around the Skywalker Ranch? Did he capture and preserve the cast's daily teeth-flossing?
Let's hope grabby George rewards his parishioners with five new minutes from each of the original films, five hours from the prequels, five hours worth of Clone Wars, and plenty of time left over for Hayden Christensen soliloquies and Jar Jar Binks.
"Throw him to the Ewoks!"
Wait three months and instead of coughing up $139.99 retail (pre-order it at Amazon for $89.99), you'll find Star Wars: The Complete Saga at Big!Lots, repackaged as six stand-alones for under twenty-bucks.
Bob Hope (in what should have been an Emmy Award-winning performance) as "Barf Vader"
Hey, I wanna' tell ya', I'd pay twice the price if they were to include an HD transfer (with a newly-mastered DTS 7.1 laugh-track) of Scar Wars, a nutty yule log from Bob "Barf Vader" Hope's 1977 Christmas extravaganza. Hey, how 'bout that Olivia Newton-John in the Princess Leia role, huh? Idn't she something?
For those of you not faint-of-heart, here is the entire skit void of color and intentional laughs.
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