Vista woman admitted felony graffiti after two weeks in jail
Eva Knott 9:34 a.m., May 18
Over a decade ago, I found myself stumbling around in downtown Tijuana with a cup of coffee in my hand. It was in the early morning, before nine o’clock, before most Tijuanenses were out and about in that area. The wife and me, well, we were having issues so I was renting a cheap but very clean apartment down near the old police station, where I had no kitchen, just a bed and a dresser and a radio and a lot of time on my hands. Those were the days when I made a living playing the ponies. And I did, and I made rent and had plenty left over and certainly enough to get a cup of coffee.
I couldn’t sit still back in those days. This had to be on a Monday or a Tuesday morning, both dark days in terms of betting a track, in that the main tracks were not racing – otherwise, I would have already been at the race book plotting and scheming. So I walked down Avenida Constitución and sipped my coffee and watched the locals meander on their way to whatever. Keep in mind, these were still the salad days of Tijuana. This was before the twin towers fell, before the border became a Goddamn mess, it was a different place then than it is now.
The locals mostly just passed by and no one even looked up. Fish tacos, that cart was so amazing, the smells entered my nose and teased me, but my hangover told me to pass. Worst thing you can do with a hangover like mine was to eat on it. It’s like feeding a dragon, you don’t; let the beast sleep it off. The coffee was enough. The walk was good. And then it happened.
And then, magic tricks appeared and I was the target of a shell game.
The sun here will not be denied an entrance. To hell with those places that has no sun! The sun is here. It is wonderful. Vitamin “D” for everyone. Welcome to Baja, pack some sunscreen. Yes, I know, it’s the middle of January. Suit yourself, but trust me, you’ll thank me later. It was eighty-five degrees today. If you get skin cancer, don’t blame me because I warned you in advance.
My days are full, lazy but full. The propane trucks are coming more early every day, and now it isn’t just honking but there’s recorded music, too! There is a jingle that I won’t bother to translate here, but basically the truck is singing a happy tune about enabling you to purchase a tank of propane. I suppose that the idea is twofold: be annoying in an entirely different way than to simply honk the horn, and attempt to make the purchase of a tank of propane gas some magical thing like a visit to Disneyland.
I roll out of bed, make some coffee, and write for a while, what else is there?
In the afternoon, I go shopping. I take my Calimax Club Card, as though it is an enchanted artifact. I buy ingredients to mix together for dinner. Sometimes I buy a bottle of tequila. When I go to pay for my items, they always ask for my magic card, because without it I might as well have entered the store naked. They scan the artifact and hand it back to me and at the end of everything I pay for the items and tip the person bagging my groceries and step back out into the hot sun. During my walk home, I imagine that if there is a God of transaction, then I have certainly done my part to make that God happy.
And then, once home, I peruse the receipt and learn that I saved sixty cents against a fifteen-dollar purchase.
Of course, I get even. I realize that the card is nothing more than a tool for the grocery chain to analyze purchases. People who buy a head of lettuce are likely to purchase two onions. Shoppers carting off a couple of pounds of ground sirloin are likely to add a package of hamburger buns and a bottle of catsup. And so on. And then there’s me. A bag of serranos, a jar of apple sauce, two pints of sour cream, a half-kilo of bacon, a liter of tequila, and a forty-watt light bulb. Good luck with that, Calimax.
That’s my own little shell game, patent pending.
So maybe it was twelve or thirteen or fourteen years ago, and there it was, suddenly and unexpectedly, and they went way out of their way to pull me into it. The old man behind the cloth-covered crate fumbled while trying to hide the ball, giving away the location as if he had lost his magic touch. A twenty-dollar bill went down, some Mexican yanked it out of his pocket as though it was the most precious thing he owned, and he slapped it down on that temporary table as though his very life depended on his intuition. And there it was, the ball, right where he pointed. The crowd cheered.
The first thing I was amazed at? The twenty-dollar bill. Nine in the morning, and someone yanks a Jackson out of their pocket? In Tijuana? Sober? And then, of course, the game went on, and the few there were all in on it and obviously kept trying to urge me to donate to their cause. I knew better. After a few more twenty-dollar bills went down, successfully compensated, I told the one that was the most vocal that, unlike them, I didn’t walk out onto the street with the big money like they did. In halting Spanish. And they knew they were the ones that were had.
And they left, all of them, very upset, looking for tourists I imagine. Me? I was delighted. Free entertainment, the kind you couldn’t buy with twenty dollars anywhere. Anytime. That old man was a magician. He made things appear that should have been invisible.
And so I read this morning that the tiny and precariously positioned country of Taiwan has fired some test missiles, ostensibly designed as a show of force and a means of defense against China. Apparently, almost a full third of those missiles declined to strike their intended targets, some of which boldly failing in full view of world media. That old man is right back at it. He fumbles that ball, damn it, he just can’t help it, and you know where it’s at and someone is urging you to plunk down a twenty and make a wager. The United States of America is the mark, right? Simple stupid, stupid simple.
I know - I shouldn’t read World News but it’s the same damned story. I could live every one of my last days in Tijuana and never part another newspaper and I wouldn’t be missing a thing. It’s all just a shell game. The minute you don’t play is the minute you start to get smart. Next time you swipe that Club Card, do humanity a favor, buy some dog food, a flash light, and a can of corn. You’ll screw the game sideways and it isn’t like you’re not going to use those items in the long run. After all, the moment you plunk down the money, that old man is going to magically get his shell game back. But then, you knew that, didn’t you?
Tomorrow will again be hot. Do yourself a favor if you venture to Baja, and remember the sunscreen.
Comments
MsGrant Jan. 18, 2011 @ 8:48 a.m.
We're all tools, aren't we? I am so glad you posted this - a bittersweet reminder to play by our own rules. Because in the grand scheme, is it really going to matter? If you had stayed a cog in the wheel, I doubt we would be able to read your wonderful stories and essays, because I have a feeling your creative abilities would have succumbed to the inevitable. That's why sunscreen is so important - apply liberally.
nan shartel Jan. 18, 2011 @ 12:14 p.m.
~~big sigh~~
thx homey for a sunny tour of South o the border and ur mind...it even seems hard to think of any person or country showing half hearted faulty bravado in the face of the possible consequences
recently i complained to Don Bauder that there's no good news anymore...only ur "shell games" appear for the public to appraise....he let me know that the minute "GOOD NEWS" appears he'll post it
i won't hold my breath
humans r curious social creatures we alway want to know "wasup"
u've learn not to internalize it...a real feat in this day and age....and use it for fodder to greater understanding in ur life and in ur writing
don't bogart that sunscreen homey...pass it over to me ;-D
David Dodd Jan. 19, 2011 @ 1:18 a.m.
I love you guys, no bad news here, just the same news I guess. I got that one last message that broke the camel's back I reckon. I lumped it all together and felt like a moron, that if only a few people dig what I have to say then it's pretty silly of me not to upload it here. No lice, no car impounding nor jail time nor dubious dating on Craig's List. But it's honest, I promise, maybe not as exciting as some want to think. I have those stories, too. But you know, those are so seldom and precious, I'd rather spill them a little at a time. Because life here is certainly different from there, but not in such a bad way.
It's just different. This is what happens.
bohemianopus Jan. 19, 2011 @ 7:58 a.m.
Ahhhhhhh nice post--drank every word until the glass was empty. I agree with Nan and MsGrant--they couldn't have said it better.
I look forward to the next one...
David Dodd Jan. 21, 2011 @ 3:29 p.m.
Thank you! I never missed any of your entries, simply wonderful stuff. I'm working on something, I'll get it in here soon. My youngest is almost 18, and while she can't be bothered to read any of dad's stuff, I think I owe her an explanation anyway ;)
nan shartel Jan. 19, 2011 @ 12:25 p.m.
we love u 2 homey...because u make us think...could anymore be expected of a writer of non sensationalism and great depth??
David Dodd Jan. 21, 2011 @ 3:32 p.m.
I make editors mad though, nan. "Too broad!" "We don't need a lesson, we need controversy!" I never set out to do any of these things, nor the opposite things, and is it my fault that so many connections can be made from points that are ostensibly nebulous? ;)
rhino Jan. 21, 2011 @ 10:44 a.m.
I will never look at my supermarket card the same again. Great to see you back!
David Dodd Jan. 21, 2011 @ 3:19 p.m.
Ha! Get even with 'em, just buy eclectically! Thanks, rhino.
nan shartel Jan. 21, 2011 @ 3:59 p.m.
I make editors mad though, nan. "Too broad!" "We don't need a lesson, we need controversy!" I never set out to do any of these things, nor the opposite things, and is it my fault that so many connections can be made from points that are ostensibly nebulous? ;)
snarky u aint....thank gawd...slanted u aint either...u can do some serous butt kicking...but even then u listen to the other players...ur far more then a referee RFG
it's nice to have ur input at Don's again
i like ur view of ur town...it is a neighborhood blog... easy peasy sometimes...sometimes not
when i come here to read i know there's a person here...not just a writer
works for me homey!!!
Founder Jan. 21, 2011 @ 5:17 p.m.
I still think it would be fun to meet in TJ and have a street taco lunch and then post about how boringly safe it was for all to ponder...
Maybe we could document Amigo border crossings one small story at a time...
Glad you are "back"...
SurfPuppy619 Jan. 21, 2011 @ 6:37 p.m.
I still think it would be fun to meet in TJ and have a street taco lunch and then post about how boringly safe it was for all to ponder...
============== Im all in.
How about mid February-plan it 3 weeks out...let me know
David Dodd Jan. 21, 2011 @ 6:43 p.m.
4 weeks? I have a Super Bowl date I don't want to miss, I get to bring my daughter along for that one, but I am all in. Make certain you have passports, the border Nazis are threatening to fine people that don't have a passport. I can't wait until they fine me, then there will be a story in it, until then they simply turn us out into the retard line and make us wait. Boring. Ask them specific questions and they can't answer them. No story there. But heck yes, 4 weeks, and I'll be there with bells on.
MsGrant Jan. 21, 2011 @ 8:07 p.m.
Me too!! They don't care about the six month thing, do they? I'm sending my passport renewal in this weekend, but I think I have about five months left.
David Dodd Jan. 21, 2011 @ 9:39 p.m.
Your passport can be expired, regardless of what they tell you. Just having one is enough.
David Dodd Jan. 21, 2011 @ 9:59 p.m.
To be more clear, if you enter a country that requires a visa, then you'll have to have a valid passport (not expired) in order to obtain the visa. Mexico does not require that if you stay within a certain distance from the border (not sure about the distance, 25 miles perhaps?). Entering the U.S. again, your expired passport is just fine, because it isn't dependent on a visa if you are a U.S. citizen.
Founder Jan. 22, 2011 @ 7:29 a.m.
But if MSG has to send in her old Passport to get the new passport then she will be "without" her passport for a while...
BTW: I always make a color copy of mine which I then carry because then at least if you lost or had your original stolen you at least have something to show the authorities...
MsGrant Jan. 22, 2011 @ 9:12 a.m.
That just occured to me.
SurfPuppy619 Jan. 23, 2011 @ 8:35 p.m.
Oh MAN! I forgot-you need a passport to visit TJ now!!!!
I have not gone down in sometime!
How long does a PP take?? I know the post office does them....
David Dodd Jan. 23, 2011 @ 8:51 p.m.
It usually takes a while, several weeks. You can fast-track it, but they charge like crazy for that. I think I paid over $200 to get one fast tracked (and the government denied me! No refunds!). I went through the City of Chula Vista, but you need to make an appointment.
SurfPuppy619 Jan. 26, 2011 @ 2:14 p.m.
OK, I have to get the PP, not fast track-you guys do the first pow wow with out me.......
nan shartel Jan. 21, 2011 @ 5:35 p.m.
good idea founder
Founder Jan. 22, 2011 @ 7:45 a.m.
How about choosing the date by private email through the Reader, so we do not get any Phobogger party crashers?
For myself, I'm thinking meet up with those from SD that hight want to carpool toward the border, picking up folks along the way., Then say at 10 AM, walking across the border to meet up with RFG and lots of FUN; then back by 2 PM. as a starter concept of when, and where. I know the Taco shop near the taxi stand has good taco's... + Maybe the Reader would fly Don B. in for "Good Luck"...
Evelyn Jan. 24, 2011 @ 9:12 a.m.
oooh! sounds fun!
MsGrant Feb. 5, 2011 @ 9:51 a.m.
Woot, woot!! Nice work, gringo. Going to get my passport photo taken today.
bohemianopus Feb. 5, 2011 @ 12:08 p.m.
Congratulations on the win!!! So glad you came back. I can't wait for your next story!
David Dodd Feb. 6, 2011 @ 7:12 p.m.
Thank you both, I really appreciate the encouragement. And thank you Reader.
nan shartel Feb. 7, 2011 @ 1:20 p.m.
a big congrats RFG...definitely a winner!!!
keep on typing out these wonderful thoughts about ur hometown...we LOVE em...Nan ;-D
antigeekess March 10, 2011 @ 10:56 p.m.
Okay, just read this one, too. I don't hang out on here too much anymore.
"And then there’s me. A bag of serranos, a jar of apple sauce, two pints of sour cream, a half-kilo of bacon, a liter of tequila, and a forty-watt light bulb. Good luck with that, Calimax."
Heehee. Love this. Belated congrats on your win. :)
David Dodd March 12, 2011 @ 1:50 a.m.
Thanks :) I did the eclectic shopping list yesterday as well. A lot of it has to do with having the small markets nearby, like for certain produce items or bread, the quality and even the price are better there.
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