Jeff Smith 2 p.m., Dec. 18
- Community Blog
Stick It Up Your Butt
For some inexplicable reason, I apparently de-published this post. So I'm republishing it now. Enjoy. :)
"Anybody who is offended by sexually explicit language, please cover their ears now, and I will raise my hand when you can uncover them."
Cindy Gallop dates younger men. MUCH younger men. This phenomenon is not new, and while this is not exactly "where no cougar has gone before," it is unusual to hear one complaining about it. A bit. Sort of.
Cindy's complaint consists of the fact that the younger men she encounters seem to have had their sexual education via the infinite plethora of hardcore porn that is now available 24/7, courtesy of the very same internet that is bringing you this message. As a result, she now finds that a great deal of "re-education, rehabilitation and reorientation" is necessary in order to counteract the silly and inconvenient effects of said porn on the misled young male.
I can empathize with this (and no, I will not go into details). But I will do this: Cindy's brand new shiny website offers a number of educational and instructional T-shirts with observations contrasting the "porn world" with the "real world." For reasons I won't go into here, this one happens to be my personal favorite:
REAL WORLD: Stick it up your butt.
The T-shirts also address several other issues that are frequently encountered by today's heterosexual female dater, including 3-ways (or more-ways, for the truly ambitious male), expectations of Olympic caliber sword-swallowing, and the requirement of complete hairlessness below the neck.
Now, while I empathize totally with the sentiments expressed by these wearable protests, I have to say that I find the collection somewhat incomplete. Ms. Gallop really must not get out all that much, if these are the best (worst) she can come up with. Perhaps she only dates comparatively well-mannered British men, and has not attempted dating in California. A few more for the suggestion box:
REAL WORLD: Save the rope for hitching up Trigger, cowboy.
REAL WORLD: Um, no.
It's enough to make a girl long for simpler times.
More like this:
- Stick Figure brings sweet finish to Farmer's Market set — May 2, 2010
- More of Stick Figure at the OB Farmer's Market — April 22, 2010
- Stick Figure plays We Get High, Bring Down, and If This World Were Mine — April 12, 2010
- Stick Figure's opening 10 minutes — April 9, 2010
- Precious, Not Few — Nov. 27, 2009