Matthew Suárez 12:30 p.m., Oct. 20
Dinosaur rampages through downtown San Diego, killing dozens
Emergency SWAT team unable to respond to threat of hungry Tyrannosaur: "Under current Strong Mayor guidelines, we have to await the mayor's green light before taking action, and he just wasn't reachable during his counseling."
Distraught dad of digested daughter: "I certainly hope Mayor Filner's behavioral therapy sessions prove fruitful and he returns to work a changed man. Then maybe my child's brutal death in the jaws of a supposedly extinct species will have some meaning."
Todd Gloria: "See? SEE? We told you that Bob Filner was too great a distraction! We told you that city government would not be able to function properly while he was still in office! And now that he's in office but not in his office...well, I don't want to say we told you so, but..."
The whole thing would make an excellent metaphor for the damage wrought by unchecked "lizard-brain" sexual urges, except for all the literal bloodshed and death.
More like this:
- Filner may be the winner in last two accusations — July 24, 2013
- NYC Mayoral Candidate Anthony Weiner: "Bob Filner is a model mayor." — July 15, 2013
- We are being bullied into accepting a resignation from Filner: This is not a dictatorship — July 13, 2013
- Mayor Filner welcomes an investigation proclaiming he is innocent — July 12, 2013
- Maxed out? — June 12, 2013