Donald Trump promises, if elected, he'll send U.S. Special Forces to recover American jobs being held on foreign soil
Walter Mencken 2 p.m., May 28
Distraught dad of digested daughter: "I certainly hope Mayor Filner's behavioral therapy sessions prove fruitful and he returns to work a changed man. Then maybe my child's brutal death in the jaws of a supposedly extinct species will have some meaning."
Todd Gloria: "See? SEE? We told you that Bob Filner was too great a distraction! We told you that city government would not be able to function properly while he was still in office! And now that he's in office but not in his office...well, I don't want to say we told you so, but..."
The whole thing would make an excellent metaphor for the damage wrought by unchecked "lizard-brain" sexual urges, except for all the literal bloodshed and death.