Walter Mencken 11 a.m., May 24
Apple announces plan to relocate to San Diego
Statement from CEO Tim Cook: "With the removal of Monster Mayor Bob Filner, both the path and the choice are clear: Apple can now grow in San Diego."
It looks like City Councilwoman Lorie Zapf was right. During the Council's meeting on August 23, a meeting which saw Filner announce his resignation from office, Ms. Zapf said, among other things, "I also have a responsibility, a duty, to stand up for an protect the city of San Diego...There are so many companies now that are standing down. They are unwilling to do business in this chaotic, tumultuous environment, and who would blame them?...I owe it to the people of San Diego to ensure that Bob Filner is gone."
Today, Apple, commonly considered the most profitable company in the world, announced plans to move its headquarters from Cupertino to a new campus in Solana Beach. (Though the campus occupies two full miles of beachfront real estate, it had been rendered completely invisible by Apple's patented iEye technology, so as not to block ocean views.)
Apple, which has come under fire for turning a blind eye to the horrific labor conditions at the Chinese factories that produce its products, is no stranger to charges of moral turpitude. But apparently, the subhuman atrocities wrought by Mayor Filner were enough to delay the company's long-planned move by several weeks. "We simply could not allow ourselves to set up shop in a city ruled over by a man who was willing to mistreat potential Apple customers in this way. The chaos and the tumult were such that we could not think different. Thank Jobs that's over now."
With the announcement, Apple joins Goldman-Sachs, DOW Chemical, and Amalgamated Toxin and Landmine on the list of companies willing to set up shop on San Diego's newly retrofitted ethical foundations.
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- In latest glitch, Apple Maps labels San Diego "Groperville" — July 15, 2013
- Bob Filner changes position on Balboa Park Plan, tells Voice of San Diego he will support Council's decision — Aug. 24, 2012
- Filner Is In — June 8, 2011