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Large Hadron Collider technician: "We weren't 100% sure the particle existed, but then it started calling for Mayor Filner to resign."

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"I do a fair amount to sustain the existence of the material universe," said the particle in a prepared statement, "and so I feel it is both my right and my duty to join with the many other voices calling for the immediate resignation of Mayor Filner. Voices such as the San Diego Association of Farmers Markets, Mayors Against Groping People In Effing Stairwells (MAGPIES), United Auto Workers Branch #213, the Sierra Club, Monsanto, and the People's Republic of China. The time has come to speak out."

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