San Diego Eats CEO: "At this point, would you buy DeMaio Mayo? Just ew."

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/29/52311/ Statement from San Diego Eats CEO Jane Queasy: "Who knows? He may be innocent [regarding claims that he masturbated in a men's room during a City Council meeting]. But we're not Nike [which kept Kobe Bryant on after he …

Councilwoman Zapf: "It's time for the bleeding to stop and the healing to begin. Well, our healing, anyway."

In a special emergency session, the San Diego City Council today approved the immediate execution of Louis Ray Perez, 46, Dorothy Maraglino, 37, and Jessica Lynn Lopez, 26. The trio are all accused of participating in the kidnap and murder …

Abyss Creations CEO: "This has to be a very difficult time for the Mayor. We're guessing that now, more than ever, he needs something to grope."

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/29/52298/ "Look," says Abyss Creations CEO Ina Nimate, "nobody is saying that what Mayor Filner did was okay. But the pattern of behavior clearly points to something compulsive. The poor man was at the mercy of his own habits. There's …

Statement from CEO Tim Cook: "With the removal of Monster Mayor Bob Filner, both the path and the choice are clear: Apple can now grow in San Diego."

It looks like City Councilwoman Lorie Zapf was right. During the Council's meeting on August 23, a meeting which saw Filner announce his resignation from office, Ms. Zapf said, among other things, "I also have a responsibility, a duty, to …

Former Council Member's member: "Carl DeMaio grabbed me and groped me in a public restroom."

The beat goes on... http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/23/51872/

"Provided everything is consensual, absolutely nothing will be off limits. City Hall will be debauched beyond recognition. Come one, come all, starting Monday at 8 a.m."

"On the last day of the month named for the great Emperor Augustus, at five hours past the sun's climax in the sky, I shall light my own funeral pyre and be burned alive," said Emperor Elagabobus, a man said …

Filner at resignation speech: "The hysteria that has been created...is the hysteria of a lynch mob. I have faced lynch mobs many times before."

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Statement from Sunroad: "With Filner gone, there shouldn't be any more trouble about our dealings with the city on this really very minor matter of taking a teeny tiny slice of public parkland and mixing in a little private interest. …

"For 12 weeks, ever since the Frye announcement, you've had a lot of fun. You've had a lot of fun. You've had an opportunity to attack Bob and I think he's given as good as he's taken. He leaves you …

Police psychiatrist report chalks "oddly cheerful" demeanor of investigation's point men up to "post-stress euphoria."

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/23/51852/ Police photo taken during sting operation. Last night, the cops raided Little Darlings Adult Cabaret in Lemon Grove, making three arrests and promising many more, "probably after the club's Police Appreciation Month winds up at the end of September," …

Man who took picture of Bob Filner's Press Secretary Lena Lewis sipping from schlong straw tells the story behind historic photo.

By now, we all know the story: A. Source was attending the Las Vegas bachelorette party for Lena Lewis, Press Secretary for San Diego Mayor Bob Filner, a man accused of inappropriate sexual conduct by no less than 3,458 women. …

"Jack in the Basement" would take drive-through traffic through underground structure, keep remodel "more in tune with neighborhood ethos."

CORNER OF URBAN AUTHENTICITY AND GENTRIFICATION, NORTH PARK - "I'll admit it," says North Park resident/activist/resident activist Kyle Buchanan, "there are times, usually late at night and after I've had a few too many artisanal cocktails at Urban Solace, when …

Utility company plans to win hearts and minds (and dollars) with friendly superhero mascot

Episode One: "Solar Wrexus" http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51445/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51446/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51447/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51448/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51456/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51449/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51450/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51451/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51452/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51453/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51454/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/16/51455/

Don't ask how we got the transcript. At least now we know where that $11,000 went.

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/15/51374/ (click to enlarge)

Utility company seeks to ease outrage over San Onofre debacle, rate increases

"Really," says spokesman, "it's just a matter of shifting perspective. We perform a heroic service for the people of San Diego. They just need help seeing that." http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/14/51339/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/14/51340/ http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/14/51343/

Former Italian Prime Minister says he "likes his chances, especially considering the creep who's currently in office."

According to Google, "brancolare" is Italian for "grope." "I may have paid women - even underage women - for sex at my massive bunga-bunga sex parties, but everything was consensual and professional," said the former head of state, who is …

Particle renamed Filner-Higgs boson in honor of Mayor who led to sigma 5 level of certainty regarding the so-called god particle

Large Hadron Collider technician: "We weren't 100% sure the particle existed, but then it started calling for Mayor Filner to resign." http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/14/51336/ "I do a fair amount to sustain the existence of the material universe," said the particle in a …

"Past mistakes? We don't give a hoot!"

"The Mayor said he's committed to changing," said The Tilted Kilt Brand Manager Minnie Scertt in a press release. "He apologized. He took a leave of absence and received counseling. He has promised to do better in the future, and …

Brand Manager Caesar Canz: "Women deserve respect, not slang."

More complete moniker "Breasts 'n Buttocks" rejected because of "possibly unsavory associations for a food-service establishment." http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/14/51313/ "We are here to serve your food and beverages in a polite and friendly manner." "No doubt, some people were surprised when we …

Repentant Mayor pauses intensive counseling session to issue statement: "I'm a Democrat. I was only doing what Democrats have always done to Marilyn Monroe."

http://sandiegoreader.com/users/photos/2013/aug/02/50517/ "Where do you think I learned the Filner headlock?" Responding to charges from Marilyn Monroe impersonator Emily Gilbert that he grabbed her derriere, Mayor Filner said, "All my life, I have striven to emulate the ideals and character of …