Bruce Kauffman 7:30 a.m., March 11
The Real Mother Goose
FBI Investigation into Former El Cajon Councilwoman Shines Whimsical Light on Her Management of Mother Goose Parade
READING OTHER PEOPLE'S DIARIES IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE - The FBI investigation into how Jillian Hanson-Cox managed to lure aftermarket celebrities such as Erik Estrada and Alan Thicke to the godforsaken wastelands of East County for El Cajon's Mother Goose parade has yielded this cache of rewritten nursery rhymes from Hanson-Cox's private journals.
(To the rhyme of Peter, Peter, Pumpkin-Eater)
Jillian, Jillian, spend-a-million
If that is a crime, it sure is a silly one
She got Mario Lopez from Saved by the Bell
And used nostalgia very well.
(To the rhyme of Jack Be Nimble)
Jill be nimble, Jill be quick
Jill hope that the charge won’t stick
(To the rhyme of Rock-A-Bye Baby)
FBI spooks won’t leave me alone
When the door knocks, I’ll say I’m not home
When the door breaks, the cops will come in
And off to the pokey will go Jillian.
(To the rhyme of Humpty Dumpty)
Hanson-Cox, she sat on a Board
Hanson-Cox, she had a great hoard
Tori and Erik, Katharine and Drake
All helped themselves to a slice of the cake.
[Tori Spelling (Beverly Hills 91210), Erik Estrada (CHiPs), Katherine McPhee (American Idol), Drake Bell (Drake and Josh)]
(To the rhyme of Cock a Doodle Do!)
Cock a Doodle Doo!
Parades are hard to do!
The budget can’t fit Alan Thicke
And that will never do
Cock a Doodle Doo!
What is a gal to do?
Ferrigno gets mad if he isn’t paid
And turns into you-know-who!
[Alan Thicke (Growing Pains), Lou Ferrigno (The Incredible Hulk)]
More like this:
- Former Councilwoman Pleads Guilty to Embezzling $3.5 Million — Sept. 14, 2012
- El Cajon Battles Billboards — Jan. 18, 2011
- Solid Geometry — April 28, 2010
- They Out-Draked Drake — Dec. 10, 2008
- Why are there so many Jacks in fairly tales? — March 24, 1999