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Well, perhaps we ought not to have used "tip," but still...sometimes, you have to admit when you're beaten. Nothing we can do today will top this story in the Manchester Messenger: "Jury awards man with penis injury $7.5 million." Our only regret is that the award was as big as it was, otherwise, we might have been able to use this...

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"Matthew Wall...A man barely a man. Gentleman, we can rebuild him...but shorter than he was before."

Special kudos to the comments section, which features this perfect gem of an exchange:

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You stay classy, San Diego.

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