Don Bauder 5:30 p.m., March 10
Chargers Owner-Patron Spanos Retains Coach-Provocateur Despite/Because of Hugely Middling Season
What does it all mean? Read on!
Note from Mencken: We here at SD on the QT can understand if there are some Chargers fans out there who have found our reporting on Coach Turner to be outlandish to the point of unbelievability. And yet, in light of Dean Spanos' decision to retain Turner, we would like to respectfully suggest that you start taking us a little more seriously. Unless, of course, you have a better explanation. And with that said, let us move on to the following statement, left by Turner on our voice mail here at the Reader offices.
"I feel like I've explained all this before, but I suppose sometimes, even a true artist is forced to repeat himself. Very well: what happens on the field is text. What happens off the field is subtext - and that, of course, is the real story. Watching my Chargers for the sake of watching football is like watching High Noon for the sake of watching Gary Cooper in a gunfight. Yes, there's a gunfight in High Noon, but that's not the point. The point is what's in the subtext: it's a film about American individualism, both its strengths and its weaknesses.
Similarly, this season with the Chargers has been about loyalty: the fans' loyalty to a losing team, the players' loyalty to an embattled coach, and ultimately, the franchise's loyalty to a small-market town like San Diego.
Local fans who are upset about Spanos' decision to keep me on as coach clearly don't see the significance of it - by sticking with me, Spanos is telling San Diegans that he will stick with them, however foolish the decision may seem. It's a bold move on his part, not least because so few people will understand the meaning of his actions. The very fans he is rewarding are likely to spew venomous criticism at his decision. Cretinous ingrates.
As for me, I have passed through the time of tribulation. I have given Spanos the one thing he demanded - victory over the Raiders - while still remaining true to my vision for the season. I shall now retreat to my Tibetan aerie to contemplate and recuperate. And maybe look into the free-agent market a bit."
More like this:
- Turner on Ryan: "Spoilsport!" — Dec. 19, 2012
- Coach-Provocateur Turner: "It's all part of the plan." — Oct. 10, 2012
- Chargers Defensive Coordinator Fired — Jan. 5, 2012
- Coach Turner Promises Miracle Turnaround for His Fantasy Football Team — Nov. 22, 2011
- Philip Rivers to Coach Turner: "Please Stop Making Me Throw All Those Interceptions" — Nov. 3, 2011