Brandon Hernández 9:22 a.m., May 24
In light of recently released census figures, the neighborhood of Lemon Grove (only 40.5% of females married) has invited the neighborhood of Imperial Beach (only 42.9% of males married) to a mixer at Bonita's Rohr Park on Saturday, December 8th, beginning at 5 p.m. with a picnic supper. "It seemed like a nice middle ground," said Lemon Grove. "We'll have dancing and some live music, and maybe even some adult refreshments. But we do want to stress that the mixer will be a semi-formal affair. Imperial Beach will have to shave and put on a shirt - and maybe lose the flip flops. It might not hurt to start looking for a job, either."
As of press time, Imperial Beach was still considering the invitation. "I dunno, man. It just sounds like a lot of effort, you know? And I'm thinking Lemon Grove has just one thing on its mind, and it isn't a quick roll in the sand."