I'm applying as a transfer student to the University of California (Berkeley and San Diego), and I need help with my personal statement. I don't really know what to write about, so I just free wrote. If any of you have the time to read my essay, please comment below and I will PM you my essay.

Btw, my essay sounds like a journal entry, so after I submit my application I will post it here.

Thank you so much!

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Comments

a2zresource Nov. 29, 2010 @ 11:29 a.m.

I was on the original City College-UCSD TAG committee maybe 20 years ago, when we set up a two-tiered scholarship package for accepted sophomore transfer students and for those already-transferred students finishing their junior year at UCSD.

Don't take any part of the application for granted, especially to a competitive public institution that operates on the more-intense quarter system instead of semesters.

If you are married to the idea of doing the essay as a journal entry, then it can't be ordinary or pedestrian: it should include your selfless contributions to others in great need, even if it's just volunteer tutoring at a local high school. It's far better if you describe how you manage other volunteers for successful community outcomes.

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abuensuceso Nov. 29, 2010 @ 6:57 p.m.

Thank you so much for the tips! I think I'm gonna rewrite my essay because of that. Thank you!

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a2zresource Nov. 30, 2010 @ 8:14 a.m.

And for anybody still at least a year from transfer, find a campus issue worth rallying on by all students and get students rallying by involving yourself with campus student government. Yes, it's true that real progress might be damn slow that way, but it will be your ability to propose solutions more than pointing out problems that will pretty much guarantee the support of deans, department chairs and other administrators in getting you transferred to the best universities... with scholarship money.

If you're an effective student leader, the money will be found for your transfer... quite likely to a highly competitive PRIVATE university with a top-notch reputation...

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Founder Nov. 30, 2010 @ 8:48 a.m.

A famous Lawyer once said, "Tell them what they want to hear!" Put your self in the Readers position and ask your self what they want to see, and then give it to them in Technicolor!

To you, I'd suggest that you become the future YOU, and begin your transformation ASAP, that way you will be seen as very teachable and that is what institutions want, student that want to learn for all the "good" reasons. I'd also suggest squeezing in a short Rhyme somewhere in your packet as it will add a bit of class that will separate your application from the "stack" (think extra credit). + If you really want to get creative, you might try this small but effective technique: use a magic marker very lightly (practice first) on the edges of all your application pages which will then make yours easy to notice!

BTW: I think you should send your draft to a2z and get his opinion... He is sharp!

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abuensuceso Dec. 1, 2010 @ 10:26 p.m.

Thank you everyone for your input! So glad I was able to make it to the deadline. I was actually planning on not submitting my application anymore because I had no focus the past few weeks and I didn't know what to write about. But you guys really helped me A LOT. Although it wasn't as polished as I wanted it to be, it was definitely better than my first attempts. I had to rush it because the deadline was a few hours away (not good, I know). But thank you thank you thank you very much! :)

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Founder Dec. 2, 2010 @ 12:32 p.m.

Helping others helps yourself!

Often a random kindness is the key to personal success!

Let us know when you find out that you are accepted!

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SurfPuppy619 Dec. 2, 2010 @ 1:05 p.m.

Helping others helps yourself!

===============

I work in dog rescue and it is the best part of my life.

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Founder Dec. 2, 2010 @ 4:32 p.m.

Are you saying rescue using dogs or rescuing dogs?

Dr. Robert Nagell, DVM is the animal VET hero of NP, does lots of pro bono (no pun intended) work and he is now building a large state of the art Animal Hospital here!

Woof - Woof Meow - Meow Chirp - Chirp Etc - Etc

=^..^= ....[0]....

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SurfPuppy619 Dec. 2, 2010 @ 5:02 p.m.

Dog rescue from shelters...in fact this morning I just picked up this gigantic Pit Bull named Samsone that is probably the most low key and friendly dog I have ever worked with. So far he has met 4 people on the 3 walks I had him on today and ALL of them said he was a "scary dog" (the idiot that dumped Samsone in the shelter cropped his ears) and I said you now have hurt his feelings and need to pet his head and hug him, and once they did that they could not believe how friendly he was. Incredible dog, I wish I could keep him, but I am only going to foster him until the 9th, when he flies to Canada to his forever home. It is going to be sad to let this guy go........he is such a love bug. Crawled right up next to me on the bed this afternoon and had to be touching me when he took his nap.......

Dr. Nagell's new building!!!..I learned of it here in the Reader! I know the building exactly (that he has bought), good guy I am sure-but I personally have not met him yet.

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