We're now in the second week of the semester, and both the classes I am registered for are officially going to appear in my transcript. Last day of dropping without a "W" was yesterday. I was actually hoping for this other class to have an available slot so I could drop my class, but I guess it wasn't meant to happen. Good bye easy-A.

We were talking about arguments, claims, warrants, etc., when the word "exigency" came up. What was the pressing situation, the urgent need the author was facing? What motivated him/her to write? When there's no exigency, sometimes questions like these hit you out of nowhere.

I can't seem to find motivation these days. I've been wanting to write a blog, and I actually have a lot of topics to write about, but never seem to have the motivation I need to put my thoughts into writing. Except tonight.

So what's special about tonight? Nothing really.

Nothing special is happening and it's been like this for a while now, it's surprisingly worth writing about. Title: My Un-Special Days. Special is not really special if everything else is special. So rather than be special when everybody else is special, be ordinary. That way, you are specially ordinary on your own. Ha!

What else makes my "now" un-special? Well, my brother is staying overnight at Orange County after going to Universal Studios with his friends a little earlier (I hope the rain didn't spoil the fun). Compared to his day, mine--spent all day at home in front of my textbook, the TV, the textbook, the computer, the textbook again (and still on the same chapter!), back to the computer-- was such a boredinary. I did not even touch my cell phone the whole day; I was just not motivated like that.

I don't usually compare my present self with my last-year self, but lately I've been doing that. I have accomplished things, but I know I could have accomplished more than those. Preparing to transfer to a university is a long process that, I'm afraid, is killing the excitement. I love studying, but because I know I'm not where I want to be, it just makes the long wait painful. I know where I'm at is part of the process, but still...

See my lack of motivation? I don't even know where I'm going at, education-wise and blog-wise. It's good that I work as a data-entry specialist; I think my hands got used to typing without me really thinking about what I'm typing. I lack concentration; I easily get side-tracked. Just like that dog in that one movie when it saw the squirrel. Really cute! I only saw part of the movie, and I want to... erm, see what I mean?

It's also good that there is wisdom in my name (Athena, get it?). Wisdom doesn't really need motivation that's why I still get things done. I researched, for instance, the road to my intended major and university. It wasn't because there was a "pressing need;" it was because I knew I had to or I'd have more things to do in the future. I go to work because I can't afford not to. I go to school because I am enrolled and I don't want to drop. I enrolled because I need to fulfill the transfer requirements in time. I read my textbook because I need to do well. I need to do well because I want to make it to this certain university. I need to make it to this certain university so I can have my motivation back.

Now, if I am able to do things as I'm supposed to, remind me again why I need motivation?

Ah, I know. Because motivation makes ordinary things special.

Comments

nan shartel Feb. 7, 2010 @ 11 a.m.

don't question ur need to write...just write whatever comes up in ur mind..form and motivation often becomes clear after the work is started

ur motivation is to write

i think this blog is a perfect example of that

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CuddleFish Feb. 7, 2010 @ 12:16 p.m.

Good writing, Athena. Welcome, and I look forward to reading more of your unspecial special chapters. :)

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SDaniels Feb. 9, 2010 @ 2:38 a.m.

Strange coinky dink: I have a cousin named Athena, who hasn't been back in school that long, either. Oh, and she had issues getting back in the swing of things, but is doing fine. Good luck on the transition to uni--it is a whole 'nother world, and a really good one to be in right now ;)

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