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A Neighborhood Affair to Remember
Hey Mindy, aside from your baffling arrogance, which has been pretty well enumerated here, why don't I be more specific as to why this piece does not justify your rudeness. Now, to be clear, I don't make it a habit of criticizing other people's work, but you're just so uppity, I can't resist. Lets start with the cheap device... who uses ellipses?... hacks, thats who. You set up a story, which had potential, sort of, and then abruptly plopped a rather predictable ending in our collective laps. There's no real emotion here, no challenging or probing of human relationships. The most difficult part of the story is the part you didn't write. This is akin to the "and then I woke up, and it was all a dream!" device. I remember it well from when I was teaching creative fiction, the sophomore class, not the seniors. Secondly, cliches. Let me count the ways: I love how when you met the man who cuckolded your unfortunate (or maybe fortunate?) husband, you said you were "shaking in my (your) shoes". What a novel turn of phrase! Let me ask you, do you need to drop down a size? There shouldn't be that much wiggle room in a well fitted pair of kicks. Then, and I loved this part, you related how you felt like Cinderella. What a clever cultural touchstone! And quite unexpected, what with the guy putting your shoe on and all. Also, so descriptive when you said you were "full speed ahead." Its like I can feel the Starship Enterprise blasting off! But perhaps the most sparkling bit of prose in the whole piece was the part when you said you "hit the satin sheets." I mean if you had said you "hit the sheets", that would have been kind of hackneyed, but throwing "satin" in there was a stroke of genius. All in all, a magnificently mediocre piece of writing. You did win though, and I have to say that I liked the piece when I read it, in the same way that sometimes, the dollar menu at Micky D's just hits the spot. You're not Don DeLillo just yet, so ease up with the criticism of others.— June 4, 2009 4:21 p.m.