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Can’t Do This by Aaron Taylor
aaron, to read bout your pain is a relief. my ex still still ignores what happened with us and i've been alone in mourning. it's difficult for me to not react personally your anger and blame towards your ex. we create our fates and the universe responds to our wishes, right. this reminds me that it's futile for me to hope anymore for his empathy and i'm wasting myself and driven myself to the edge of insanity holding onto the blame, anger, shame. to each his own. someday maybe we can be grateful for feeling the vastness of what it means to be human. i hope that at least you can let this experience help you become a better person.— June 10, 2009 3:48 p.m.
Can’t Do This by Aaron Taylor
it takes courage to admit when you're wrong. it takes courage to do the right thing. it courage to be honest to look at your own faults. i've learned that the true meaning of courage is to not run from your past or try to hide and deny your mistakes. it takes courage to say no to abuse and to take good care of yourself by letting go of expectations of someone else. it was my fault to tolerate, forgive and hope for better change. i wasn't the only ex he phsycially/emotionally/mentally abused. he was my first. he told some of his friends he was going to be a father and he claimed that he was going to help when i told him i was pregnant. yet 98% he was too busy being a self centered jerk while trying to convince me i deserved to be hated during the pregancy. it amazes me how many people he's conned into believing that he has no faults and i was crazy. he still doesn't want to talk about it, he still ignores my feelings i've put on hold for years waiting for a fraction of sincere empathy, while we're still busy beating me up for every single mistake i made from day one. i've retreated into my cave for the last two years since the loss while he's out and about trying to live the high life. i think it's easy for people to percieve me as the wrong one because i've become a shadow of myself gloomy,dull and ashamed while he tries to parade around town like a charming tomcat who has his act together.sometimes i wish i could warn everyone about who he really is. yet i know people are entitled to experience him for themselves. now it seems that the best way to heal is on my own, without expecting any help or consideration from him. the first step is forgiving myself for letting myself get this far down the rabbit hole.— June 10, 2009 3:21 p.m.
Can’t Do This by Aaron Taylor
i acknowledge that you're entitled to your version of your experience , and this hits a raw and raging nerve in me. my ex didn't have any empathy for me. he's known as a healer and teacher and puts up a charming , sensitive, kind front. how deceptive appearances can be. he used his hands to choke and punch me , he used his words to mutilate me , and for every 100 apologies i gave him, he gave one that was insincere. my point is that he was so invested in seeing only my faults and wouldn't admit his faults while he tried to teach me humilty. he's spread stories about me being a psychotic bitch and i'm still furious.i couldn't hide my emotions as well as him in public. those hands he lays on people everyday while intoxicated with shrooms, ectasy , pot, booze, didn't not care for me while i struggled our pregnancy on my own. he was too busy lusting after my sister,while i moved away to another state to be safe. every opportunity i gave him to step up and do the right thing by giving him more compassion, tolerance, forgivenesss, apologies was wasted. when i came back after losing the baby, i was trying to confide in him about my feelings about the whole incident and he punched me in the mouth and made me bleed. he can't handle complaints. it's funny how he tried preaching the beauty of the spiritual aspects of aikido, and he became more violent with with me after moving into the dojo and was unapologetic and spread rumors about me while he continued to cheat and decieve. it was my mistake to hope that he might change and to tolerate this abuse. i let it get this far for seven years. i've hit rock bottom so many times , waiting and hoping he might practice the concepts of humility he often preached, like being aware of one's faults and being accountable. now i'm still filled with rage and alone in mourning this devasting loss.— June 10, 2009 2:57 p.m.