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Stories by Walter Mencken

Local real estate company aims to make it rain

OTB Real Estate Founder Cyrus Grabmore: “Be serious, people: the odds are slim to none that these poor folks will be able to collect on their flood insurance policies — if they even have them …

New billboard on 94 West takes aim at diversity

“Sometimes, you have to follow where a project leads you,” says Message Maker Chief Creative Officer Sam Bluesky. “When the people at Belonging Begins with Us came to us, they said they wanted to use …

Massage Parlor allowed to re-open after re-branding as church

Last week, the San Diego Police Department shut down the Ocean Spa massage parlor in Kearny Mesa, after an extensive investigation revealed that it was the site of frequent exchanges of money for sexual favors. …

Adidas inks deal with fashionable fencehopper

Two weeks ago, FOX border reporter Bill Melugin posted a video on X showing a group of immigrants slipping around the end of the border wall in Jacumba, California. The Biden Administration didn’t seem to …

Outrage expressed over Mexican oyster order

Over the past week, dozens of people in San Diego and other parts of Southern California have been sickened with norovirus. Following an investigation, San Diego County health officials have responded by calling on consumers …

2024 named as suspect in string of dumpster fires

Last week, the San Diego Metro Arson Strike Team was called to investigate more than 20 fires set in 10 separate locations — including numerous dumpsters — over a one-hour period in the middle of …

Transit Authority authorizes new suicide prevention signage at County train stations in wake of deaths

Earlier this month, four people were killed on the county’s coastal train tracks over a period of just five days. While motives and circumstances are not clear in every case, authorities have not been able …

San Diego Zoo’s entry in 2024 Rose Bowl Parade wins prize for honest reckoning with its own existence

“In recent years,” says San Diego Zookeeper Randy Cage, “many zoos, including the world-famous zoo here in San Diego, have come under fire from various disgruntled animal lover-types who say we really shouldn’t keep wild …

Activists express disappointment in local trend of women hiring hitmen to do their dirty work

On August 2 of last year, failed horse show promoter Tatyana Remley met with an undercover sheriff’s detective and tried to hire him to kill her husband Mark. On December 28, she confessed to the …

December 31 marks last conception at Santee Drive-In

Though they don’t know it yet, Lakeside teens Tommy Tootense and Audrey Friendly were the final pair of youngsters to conceive a child at the Santee Drive-In, ending a longstanding tradition of sexual shenanigans and …

Man of the Year Nathan Fletcher undergoes psychoanalysis

[Note: None of this actually happened. Well, some of it did.]Scene: The dated and faded but still warm and inviting interior of the office of Dr. Walter Mencken, Doctor of Psychiatric and Career Restoration. There is …

Local attorney pulls out of sex suits

San Diego attorney Dan Guiltyon is no stranger to salacious cases. He represented Cheetah’s strippers in their harassment lawsuit against the San Diego Police Department. And he represented the women assaulted by San Diego Police …

Bumbling lawyers Christmas & Dunne threaten to sink government’s corruption case against Fat Leonard’s Navy co-conspirators

Statement from U.S. Attorney Lloyd Christmas on the government’s recent missteps in the Fat Leonard corruption trial: “It’s true that we asked one of our witnesses to commit perjury, that is, to cut certain parts …

The Al-Alloj Intifada

“From the freeway to the sea, all La Jolla must be free!”“For much of its history, there were no Jews in La Jolla,” notes Amir Asham, spokesman for UCSD’s Students for Palestinian Promotion. “This is …

Padres begin interviewing process for new location

Statement from The Swinging Friar: “It’s true that we’re interviewing for a new manager. But that, in itself, isn’t going to solve our problems, and everybody knows it. Look, it’s clear that San Diego is …

City Council approves new master plan for libraries

Last week, the city council adopted a new master plan for San Diego’s libraries, one that promised modernization, expansion, and perhaps most importantly, equity. As council member Kent Lee put it, “I hope this plan …

Biden bumps up building on wall in wake of puppet’s border visit

“Little Amal” is a 12-foot puppet of a Syrian girl who has been traveling the world in an effort to raise awareness of the plight of refugees all over the world. And her arrival at …

County to ban public camping to help protect precious homeless population

Last week, the San Diego County Board of Supervisors voted unanimously to draft an Unsafe Camping Ban that would prevent homeless encampments from being set up on public land. The ban would “remove improperly stored …

NBA scouts express concern over San Diego phenom’s long-range game

San Ysidro basketball standout Mikey Williams has been a top prospect since his freshman year of high school. He already has an endorsement contract worth millions with Puma, millions of followers on Instagram, and a …

Coronado turns to the past to meet future housing goals

Last week, the city of Coronado avoided a showdown with the state of California, and agreed to build the 912 housing units demanded by the Regional Housing Needs Allocation program. (If it hadn’t, it might …

South Bay gated community may not be safest place to avoid danger

The Chula Vista kidnapping of Eddy Tostado by Arellano cartelAt 3:39 a.m. on January 7, 2007, Columbia Street was almost deserted. Little Italy had been plagued with car burglaries — “It got where you couldn’t …

October 22, 2023
Newly declared Senate candidate seeks to memory hole San Diego affiliation

Last week, former Major League Baseball star Steve Garvey, who played four seasons with the San Diego Padres after 14 years with the Los Angeles Dodgers, entered the race for the U.S. Senate Seat vacated …

Unsmart SDSU students march in support of Israel in wake of Hamas attack

“It’s sad, really,” says Sara Esjaydublyu, the brilliant President of Harvard Students for Palestinian Decolonization. “These poor state-school kids somehow think they’re smart enough to weigh in on this famously complicated situation. They see the …

Flailing SDSU chases Prime shine, hires former star

“Nick Canepa was right,” admits SDSU Head of Football Revenue Bill Dollar. “He wrote in the U-T that 'Colorado is the hottest Prime steak on the national grill. And it’s all because, against all the millions of …

How Scholder Got His Groove Back

RETRACTION: Troy Scholder did not, in fact, say any of the things attributed to him below. That is why this story appeared in the Almost Factual News section of the San Diego Reader. However, it is …

Federal Government responds to County

Last week, the San Diego County Board of Supervisors declared a humanitarian crisis in response to the public concern over the number of migrants being dropped in San Diego County by U.S. Border Agents. “We …

Coastal Commission unanimously approves permanent Point La Jolla closure to protect sea lions

At one point during the hearing, Commissioner Hart chastised a La Jolla resident who had risen to protest: “You still have the Children’s Pool. Well, for half the year, anyway. And you will note that …

Rally for “clean beaches” draws sharp words from Governor

Last week, outraged citizens of Coronado and Imperial Beach staged a protest over the steady influx of sewage slipping over the border from Tijuana and fouling the waters off the county’s southern beaches. They hoped …

Padres’ Got A Brand New Bag

“The numbers don’t lie,” says Padres spokesman Sidney Sorrow. “A recent Gallup Poll found that 41% of respondents said football was their favorite sport, while only 10% cited baseball. And famously, soccer is the number …

Biden Administration seeks to reassure South Bay Residents in wake of recent rumors

It seems that the South Bay’s recent boil water advisory was not connected to the sewage that has closed beaches and fouled the region for years now. But it was just one more reminder of …

New homeowners object to Catholic cemetery development next door

Homebuyers in the recently opened Wildgrove development in Vista were upset by the news that the Diocese of San Diego has filed a major use permit application for an adjacent property — formerly a succulent …

Bike Riders and Bystanders

Psychology’s Bystander Effect Theory got a bit of a workout on August 5th, when TikTok user OnlyOneXBox posted a video showing a thief stealing a woman’s bicycle in broad daylight and walking off with it, …

Some Padres begin to wonder if they’ve been serving the wrong god

“It’s a tricky thing, having a sports team named after a Catholic priest,” says Padres Director of Spiritual Assistance Jesus Ramirez. “You’re sort of putting all of your eggs in one basket, divine-intervention-wise. And then …

Gloria Likes Bikes

When Mayor Todd Gloria was elected, he listed homelessness as his first priority, followed by the housing crisis and the city’s Climate Action Plan. “I will be bringing a different point of view when it …

Jury awards former UCSD doctor $39 million in Brain Fog research suit

Last week, a jury awarded oncologist Dr. Kevin Murphy $39 million as a result of his lawsuit accusing UCSD of retaliation and wrongful termination following a battle over the use of a $10 million donation …

Matt Araiza rape allegations force NFL to reveal controversial ratings system

Two weeks ago, former SDSU star punter Matt Araiza filed a defamation suit against a woman who had accused him of participating in her gang rape at a house party near the university in 2021. …

There’s no “I” in “Spy”

Last week, San Diego’s City Council voted 3 to 1 to approve the SDPD’s smart streetlight surveillance program, despite substantial public opposition. “Well of course they’re opposed,” said Council spokesman Tom Peeping. “Nobody wants to …

Cast of new Disney live-action remake places third at Comic-Con costume contest

“She’s lovely, but honestly, it’s like she’s not even trying,” whispered one of the judges to another at this year’s San Diego Comic-Con Costume Contest as Rachel Zegler hit the stage in her yellow and …

Mayor’s Deputy Communications Director puts former colleagues in their place

Shortly after Mayor Gloria’s recent press conference announcing the creation of a parking lot sleep space for San Diego’s homeless, reporters from the Latino newspaper LaPrensa San Diego attempted to gain access to the site …

Homeless declare sleep space “less homey”

Surprisingly, the homeless — who until now have lived freely in San Diego’s bucolic canyons and along its picturesque Downtown streets — have proved less than eager to camp out on a patch of asphalt …

Jabba the Trump credits decision to run in ‘24 to local podcaster

Embattled Presidential candidate Jabba the Trump has revealed that one of his most devoted online critics has actually been in his employ for years, and credited her with helping to launch his third presidential campaign …

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