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Stories by Geoff Bouvier

More or Less Sudden Mountains

Tom Deméré reads our rocks.

Rocks are for climbing, collecting, throwing, building. They're also full of information, if you can read a rock. Scientists who become fluent in rock — geologists — peruse these old, hard texts and interpret them. ...

At Home in San Diego

Where I live, no major high-volume road cuts apart the 'hood. People can cross the street without becoming dead. The amoeba-shaped Balboa Park Municipal Golf Course and grid-busting canyons have made a rabbit warren of the streets.

Why does no one refer to Mission Beach as “M.B.”?

Mission Beach is one distinctive neighborhood. Of course there's the roller coaster, but I'm thinking of a completely different distinction. I mean that Mission Beach cuts quite the geographical figure. It is a true promontory, ...

Candy Man

Stephen Traino’s life is sweet.

"I was crossing the street in my old hometown of Fairport, New York, to get some candy," Stephen Traino admits, "and the next thing I knew, this car almost hit me because I wasn't even ...

On the Bus from Rosa's Cantina to Home Sweet Broadway and First

A motorcoach journey from the Lone Star State.

Why buses are better than planes, part one. Flying to El Paso, my plane (ironically, an Airbus) began emitting strange high-frequency blips and unexplainable static from various locations above the passengers' heads. After an air-mile ...

When Dinner Was 50 Cents

What we served.

Food's as old as we are. It's impossible to tell whether people have shaped foodstuffs more or food's done more to shape people. The Irish and potatoes, Mexicans and corn, Asians and rice, Norwegians and ...

Men's Summer Swimsuit Issue

Protect your thighs from board rash.

HEY, LADIES! Let's hear it for men! Give a shout-out now to the body masculine! Here's to five o'clock shadows, Adam's apples, square jaws, and rough skin. To testosterone, to the Y chromosome, to the ...

Something That Intoxicates or Exhilarates

Narrative sells wine.

It's all pretty unusual, when you really think about it. First off, you've got this exclusive fruit (the grape) that grows only in special regions. And then, the whole time that it grows, it’s fussed ...

The Secret Lives of News Anchors

On air they are like organized tornadoes.

Michael Tuck threads his bathroom tissue over the roll, “definitely over.” For Carol LeBeau’s last meal, she’d eat peanut butter and jelly on fluffy white bread. And Paul Bloom wouldn’t tell me how old he ...

The Natural Blonde Puts Lipstick On Her Forehead When She Wants to Make Up Her Mind

Life in towhead land.

I’m allowed to write this article only because I’m a 7. I don’t mean that I’m a 7 the way Bo Derek was supposedly a 10. I mean that I’m a 7 on the Natural ...

Amy Gerstler's Ghost Girl

Interview by Geoff Bouvier

There’s three dogs and a cat here, so there’s a zoo-like quality. On most days, Benjamin gets up earlier than I do because he has this farm-boy physiology and I don’t. I’m kind of a sleepaholic.

Service Personality

Waiters tell all.

Dinner at Tapenade Restaurant is a memorable experience. The cordial ambience, the feel of that which is unmistakably French, and service like a brilliantly engineered heist: the help comes and takes you from your worries, ...

Ocean Beach

I’ll take the charming anachronism over the “in thing” any day. Just give me the Flat Earth Society, Elizabethan countesses surfing the Internet, and long-haired hippies on Wall Street. Grant me Kodachromes and unicorns, abaci ...

Something Stinks In Bird Rock

Who said the words and the music were supposed to go together? Just when the sleepy situation of local business had begun to awaken in the Bird Rock area of La Jolla, the residents and ...

Party's Over

The city quiets endless parties

Pacific Beach compresses roughly 10,000 people into its five square miles. It's a tight community, with many sober families and older residents living alongside a large contingent of college-age drinkers and partiers.

B-Ball

Come as you are and run till you lose

Listen. I’m a basketball extremist. Maybe it’s the rhythmic, elastic whump (ring)s, whump (ring)s — thuds resounding echoing overtones — leading me into reverie every time, the odd expectant tempos, down the block, passing my ...

Best Bounces

There must be some discrepancy. Word on the street has it that bouncers come big and dumb, like unnecessary monsters set on ruining our nights out. "Bouncers only get those jobs because they're naturally violent ...

Mystery Bug Hits Bay Jocks

Having a dip in Mission Bay is less difficult than wrestling ocean swells with the mighty Pacific: the pacified Mission Bay waters boast warmer temperatures, smaller waves, shallower beaches, and fewer rocks; and there are ...

Dirty Water

Way back in English class they called it "situational irony." There in the tiny, tranquil breakers, almost waveless, pint-sized children frolicked. They scooped dark mud and tossed it, wrestled, and held each other's adolescent heads ...

Second Only To the Cowboy

The San Diego cab driver has it tough

In San Diego, airport cabbies rest at the top of the public-transportation heap. Their fares are more regular — and generally larger — than those of mere city cabbies. Plus, the airport more or less ...

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