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Stories by Barbarella Fokos

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Family Physics

First it was David and Liam who disappeared into the other room. Sean was next, followed by Heather a few minutes later and my mother not long after. “You’ve got to make him stop,” Jane ...

Ms. Fortune on Deck

All that clunking and banging, that’s not normal,” Dad said. “Yeah, it sounds like my car when I try to gun it in neutral,” I said. “We’re a little too close to that pier for ...

France in an Instant

Did you see the headline from China? They teleported photons over 60 miles,” I said. When David shook his head in the affirmative, I felt a sense of pride in my worldliness. “Yeah, it was ...

Cirque du Crazy

I have issues with time. Not the laid-back, “I’ll get there when I get there” variety that seems to afflict so many here in San Diego. My time issues are more Swiss-German. I was standing ...

Massage Muddled

I sat on a plush sofa in a room dimly lit with electric candles and fussed over the gap in my robe with one hand while balancing a mango-papaya mimosa in the other. “I can’t ...

Snotty Sister

I lifted my head and looked over my laptop to glare directly at the inharmonious cacophony of sniffling and snuffling. Jane wiped at her nose with the heel of her hand for the umpteenth time ...

Immobile Phone

Do you not see this light blinking?” David squealed, in the same voice he uses when impersonating Vizzini from The Princess Bride, a character best known for the line, “Inconceivable!” “No,” I shrugged. “Phone’s behind ...

Classic Barb Guy

It was two years ago this month that I sought pharmaceutical assistance for my chronic anxiety. It took awhile to get the dosage right — it was four or five visits before I could talk ...

Life and Death

For most of us, death is not a daily affair. Our brains have difficulty processing the idea of our own nonexistence, and our hearts can’t stand considering the possibility of losing a loved one. Unless ...

Jerk 'Em Around

I fished my Evil Hello Kitty bejeweled phone out of my purse, saw my sister’s face on the display, and answered, “Yo, we’re standing outside of Long Island Mike’s waiting for Dad, what are you ...

iPhreaks

It was shortly after 6 a.m. and still dark outside. Dozens of cars populated the parking lot, but I couldn’t locate any bodies. “There,” I said, when I caught the pink flash of a young ...

Betty and the Pets

The invitation read, “black-tie optional.” David opted for black everything — a black silk tie with this black shirt and black suit. “Look, even the dogs are wearing tuxedos,” I said. “Will you hold this ...

Bush League

I was prudent in the selection of my seat. My back was to the window, ensuring I wouldn’t get too warm and could face the room; near the head of the table, at the end ...

Buff Enough

It felt scandalous, my going to an Oscars party when I’d only seen one of the films nominated for Best Picture. It was a fluke I even saw the one — David and I had ...

Junkyard Creatures

I swiveled my head back and forth, but mostly down, and tried not to panic. I’d backed myself into a corner, and not in the figurative way. There were dozens of them, and they were ...

We're All Going to Die

David and I collected our boarding passes, and took a moment to look them over. “I’m sixty-seven,” David said. “First class. My name’s Isidor Strauss.” “I’m fourteen, third class,” I said. “Name’s Jamila.” We lowered ...

Follow the Talent

David and I have taken to watching ice hockey — David’s always loved the sport, and I’ve learned to appreciate the skill it takes to chase a tiny black disc around a slippery sheet of ...

Divine Beast

In 2011 I lost my kick-ass condo and went on anti-anxiety meds that — when combined with stress, financial troubles, moving house, and excessive drinking and dining out — left me two sizes larger. As ...

My Ask of Jane

People use jargon because they want to sound smart and credible when in fact they sound profoundly dim-witted and typically can’t be understood, which defeats the purpose of speaking in the first place. – Karen ...

The Pointy Ball Game

David and I were waiting for one of the guys behind the desk to find our room reservation on his monitor when his coworker, looking at me, said, “So, are you excited for the game?” ...

Better you

As soon as the sound of David’s retching began to subside, I rushed into the bathroom to get a quick peek into the bowl beneath his crumpled frame. Before he could sit back on his ...

Original Lady

We huddled by the frosted glass door just inside of the entrance to a man’s home we’d met only 15 minutes before. It had been Shawn’s idea to stash us two doors down. Our temporary ...

From a Bean

I can understand why people think I don’t like kids. I don’t have any children of my own (nor do I want any), and I’m often the first to pipe up in a crowded area ...

Fretful Fiasco

During my childhood, Christmas was, without question, my favorite holiday. The myth, the magic, the mirth: everything about it was wonderful. I was raised Catholic, but by the time my sisters and I entered adolescence, ...

Evil of America

“Barb, I don’t know what to do -- they want me to testify,” Jane said. “Wow. Shit just got real,” I said. “What do you mean you don’t know what to do? You have to. ...

In the Doghouse

David and I rarely argue. Bicker, sure, everyone bickers -- a cranky huff, a misunderstanding that leads to irritation, we are human after all. But argue? As in fundamentally disagree and dig our respective heels ...

The Judge

“Will you call Michelle?” “You call her,” I said. David huffed in frustration. “I don’t have my phone with me, and I’m driving. And it was your idea,” he said. “You can use my phone, ...

Eighteen

“Eighteen. That’s a big one,” I said. “We should get her lottery tickets.” “I don’t know what your thing is with lottery tickets, that’s the third time you’ve mentioned them,” David said. “Dana suggested something ...

Die, Ralph, Die

Kevin looked more confused than surprised when he found me on his doorstep. “Are you C.C.’s chauffer?” He gestured at my father, who was standing behind me. Though I had indeed done the driving, it ...

The Accident: Part 2

I’d been traveling for 20 hours: from Shinjuku to Narita, Narita to San Francisco, San Francisco to San Diego, and finally, the short cab ride home. Once I’d dropped my suitcase in my bedroom, I ...

The Accident: Part 1

“How’s he doing, everything okay?” It was an empty question -- I was sure of the answer. There was no room in my mind to consider any alternative to fine. Dad had still been in ...

Kappa

“What is that, a duck?” David followed my gaze to the green-painted humanoid statue. “Looks more like a turtle,” he said. “Turtles don’t have beaks. And look at its head – maybe it’s some kind ...

Nibbles and Drinks

What first drew me in here was Starlite’s informal, relaxed atmosphere, illuminated by a sparkly, starry sky-like chandelier hovering over the sunken bar. Though atmosphere played a significant role, it was the consistent deliciousness of ...

Pizza Places

The younger sibling of the larger Arrivederci Ristorante a few doors down specializes in Neapolitan-style pizza. Sidewalk seating gives diners a front-row view of Hillcrest happenings. Servers are likely to speak Italian, and the low ...

Plane Truth?

I’ve logged enough miles in the air to know that no flight is a go until those wheels leave the ground. This is why I was mildly disappointed but not terribly surprised when, after we’d ...

Friendlies

It seemed like an innocuous deed, posting a link to my friend’s video on my Facebook wall. Nice, even. I’d go so far as to say it was the opposite of reprehensible. The link was ...

Frodo

I’d known about Jane’s intention to get another dog after Winston, her elderly chocolate Lab, passed away several months ago. So I’m not sure why I was surprised when she stopped by my place on ...

Shabu-shabu

David walked into the room with a lot more flair than usual. He raised his arm high above his head and said, “Isu no ue ni dare ga imasu ka?” My sister, who was seated ...

What's in a Name?

Every family has its issues, and mine is no exception. I could tell I’d reached a new phase in my life when, at a recent family gathering (the clan collided at Heather’s place to celebrate ...

Simply Wonderful

It was exactly nine years ago today that I first met David. Well, first met in person. We’d already met virtually, when he answered my online dating profile ad, and then over the phone -- ...

Drama Queen

I used to ignore David when he said my family was drama, chalking it up to his family’s comparative monotony. “You’re mistaking exciting and entertaining for drama,” I’d say. That’s what I believed. But, since ...

Slice of Suburbia

Suburbia can suck it. Clans isolated in their castles, moated by lawns, concrete, and cars; no decent food joint or watering hole within walking distance. It works for kids, who can frolic carefree in protected ...

Never Forget

Ten years, an even number, a milestone in time. We have this obsession with decades, and thinking they matter in some profound way. But it’s not the anniversary that matters, it’s the event, and the ...

Blackout

What were you doing when life as we knew it shut down and the universe was nudged off-kilter for an entire eight hours throughout the county? Around 300 people were stuck in elevators. Some were ...

Slow Food

At a mixer, one is expected to mix. But I wasn’t at this mixer for the people. Slow Food Urban San Diego was having a food-centric soiree at the Pearl, after which David and I ...

The Best Main Dishes from the "Feast" Blog

What follows is a selection of posts from our Feast! blog. Every day our team of foodies posts news and reviews from San Diego eateries. New Menu Trend Leaves Too Much to the Imagination<br>By Brandon ...

Little Lady Flask

I watched as Kimberly made her way across the parking area and over to our door. I wasn’t surprised to see her carrying a giant box, the girth of which forced her to crane her ...

Dog Humping 101

I’ve always assumed that dogs only mounted stuffed animals, people, or other dogs when they were “in the mood.” But, thanks to my friend Andy and his pal Ricky (who ceaselessly humps our friend Claire), ...

Gladys Kravitz Syndrome

I’ve always been a bit of a voyeur. Not in a sexual fetishy way. I just have an innate curiosity about other people and how they live their lives. Shortly after we moved into our ...

Sailing on the Bay

“Take it off!” shouted the salty ex-marine at the bow of the boat. “Take it off!” “What the hell is he talking about? Are we all supposed to strip?” I asked Lou, who was manning ...