Stories | Diary of a Diva
The Little One
Published May 7, 2008
Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other. — Ed Howe The gestation period had only been three months — from the date I conceived my little one to the moment she ...
Techno-laziness
Published April 30, 2008
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. — Alfred E. Neuman After searching every aisle, I found David squeezing avocados ...
My Kryptonite
Published April 23, 2008
For every man there exists a bait which he cannot resist swallowing. — Friedrich Nietzsche It was a cruel thing to do, but I don’t blame him. I doubt he understood the ramifications of typing ...
Neighborly Love Published April 16, 2008
While the spirit of neighborliness was important on the frontier because neighbors were so few, it is even more important now because our neighbors are ... More Comments (4)
Hot Stuff Published April 9, 2008
Tell me what you eat, I’ll tell you who you are. — Anthelme Brillat-Savarin I was an occasional user. At least that’s what I told ... More Comments (6)
Bruise-skis Published April 2, 2008
I had a cold, wet, numb butt; it was nice because I was getting hot. — Heather, Barbarella’s sister Our absurd attempt to produce fire ... More Comments (7)
Shore Stop Published March 26, 2008
Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. — Dave Barry The way my friend Jen tells it, her ... More Comments (7)
Psycho Analysis Published March 19, 2008
I envy paranoids; they actually feel people are paying attention to them. — Susan Sontag I didn’t want to see the doctor. I never do. ... More Comments (7)
The Secret Published March 12, 2008
The Secret is not just a moronic hymn to greed and selfishness; it nastily suggests that victims of catastrophe are the authors of their misfortunes. ... More Comments (11)
Conceptual Cuisine Published March 5, 2008
I call it performance art, but my friend Ariel calls it wasting time. History will decide. — Steve Martin as Harris in L.A. Story To ... More Comments (3)
Mini Me Published Feb. 27, 2008
The car has become a secular sanctuary for the individual, his shrine to the self, his mobile Walden Pond. — Edward McDonagh One damp December ... More Comments (4)
Tale of Two Brothers Published Feb. 20, 2008
Our siblings. They resemble us just enough to make all their differences confusing, and no matter what we choose to make of this, we are ... More Comments (3)
Matters of the Heart Published Feb. 13, 2008
When I look at my hands and in my heart, I see stress as Lady Macbeth saw blood. — Berri Clove I was going to ... More Comments (6)
Jane's Dream Published Feb. 6, 2008
The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won’t. — Henry Ward Beecher ... More Comments (4)
Dis-Ativan-tage Published Jan. 30, 2008
Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering. — Carl Jung A ladybug ambled across my absentee ballot and paused, seemingly undecided between YES and ... More Comments (6)
Hotel Fetish Published Jan. 23, 2008
It is impossible to overdo luxury. — French Proverb The orange light reflecting off the water’s surface slowly transformed to red. “You should have put ... More Comments (4)
Party Tricks Published Jan. 16, 2008
When the wine goes in, strange things come out. — Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller David opened a second bottle of wine and circled the ... More Comments (2)
Turn Off Published Jan. 9, 2008
Lo! Men have become the tools of their tools. — Henry David Thoreau I remember my first time like it was yesterday. My heart beat ... More Post a comment
Merry Tuesday Published Jan. 2, 2008
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. — Katharine Whitehorn He didn’t have to ... More Comments (3)
Guys Gone Wild Published Dec. 27, 2007
I am leaving the town to the invaders: increasingly numerous, mediocre, dirty, badly behaved, shameless tourists. -- Brigitte Bardot W e told our friends we ... More Post a comment
Bad Santa Published Dec. 20, 2007
Love looks forward hate looks back, anxiety has eyes all over its head. -- Mignon McLaughlin Everything had been going so well. The Seattle sky ... More Post a comment
Comet Courtesy Published Dec. 13, 2007
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. -- English proverb I was yanked into consciousness -- adrenaline tensed my muscles for fight or ... More Post a comment
Turkey Tempest Published Dec. 6, 2007
Turkey, n. A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. Incidentally, it is ... More Post a comment
Daddy Dogma Published Nov. 29, 2007
There are no facts, only interpretations. -- Friedrich Nietzsche 'You want some eggs with that ketchup?" "Very funny, Four-Eyes," Dad said, using the nickname he ... More Post a comment
Breast Defense Published Nov. 21, 2007
Were not I thine only nurse, I would say thou hadst suck'd wisdom from thy teat. -- William Shakespeare I was standing in the kitchen, ... More Post a comment
American Woman Published Nov. 15, 2007
There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America. -- Bill Clinton Visiting four countries over the span ... More Post a comment
Non Capisco Published Nov. 8, 2007
I speak two languages, Body and English. -- Mae West Exposed as I was to the elements, I was relieved it wasn't raining, but I ... More Post a comment
Swede Life Published Nov. 1, 2007
There is no such thing as a weird human being; it's just that some people require more understanding than others.-- Tom Robbins I gazed out ... More Post a comment
Roxanne Published Oct. 25, 2007
Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them. -- Jerry Falwell Braced against the elements with newly acquired ... More Post a comment
French Fashionista Published Oct. 18, 2007
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. -- Mark Twain She looked amused. Or terrified. It was hard to ... More Post a comment
French Food Published Oct. 11, 2007
To the sober person, adventurous conduct seems insanity. -- Aristotle I awoke to the same rhythmic rocking that had lulled me to sleep seven hours ... More Post a comment
Stairway to Hell Published Oct. 4, 2007
When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money. -- Susan Heller ... More Post a comment
Peripathetic Published Sept. 27, 2007
The pain passes, but the beauty remains. -- Pierre-Auguste Renoir 'C heck out the woman in the red shirt three sizes too small and the ... More Post a comment
American Hero Published Sept. 20, 2007
When you're born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. -- George Carlin ... More Post a comment
Toy Story Published Sept. 13, 2007
Toys were lots of fun before they became capitalist tools. -- Beth Copeland Vargo The thermostat read 85, but it felt more like 100. Jen ... More Post a comment
Characters Published Aug. 30, 2007
When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad I'm better. -- Mae West I sensed the conversation was drawing to a close, ... More Post a comment
Gym Rats Published Aug. 23, 2007
An hour of basketball feels like 15 minutes. An hour on a treadmill feels like a weekend in traffic school. -- David Walters I was ... More Post a comment
Mother of the Bride Published Aug. 16, 2007
The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise. It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us. -- Ashley Montagu ... More Post a comment
Lawfully Wedded Published Aug. 9, 2007
Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention. -- Ian Hay 'H ey, beh beh!" I called out, as I often do ... More Post a comment
Horse Sense Published Aug. 2, 2007
A horse which stops dead just before a jump and thus propels its rider into a graceful arc provides a splendid excuse for general merriment. ... More Post a comment
Care Package Published July 26, 2007
Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great. -- Roger De Bussy-Rabutin I was reluctant to ... More Post a comment
Them Published July 19, 2007
Fear is not the natural state of civilized people. -- Aung San Suu Kyi If the morning had been anything other than unremarkable, I might ... More Post a comment
R & R Published July 12, 2007
The whole celebrity culture thing -- I'm fascinated by, and repelled by, and yet I end up knowing about it. -- Anderson Cooper I surveyed ... More Post a comment
Roughing It Published July 5, 2007
Give me the luxuries of life and I will willingly do without the necessities. -- Frank Lloyd Wright For every five people who hear me ... More Post a comment
Mommy-Lite Published June 28, 2007
The whales, you see, eat up the little fish. -- Thomas Churchyard As Jane piloted her monstrous mom-mobile and I read directions aloud, I was ... More Post a comment
Irreconcilable Differences Published June 21, 2007
It is difficult not to wonder whether that combination of elements which produces a machine for labor does not create also a soul of sorts, ... More Post a comment
Family Matters Published June 14, 2007
The only man I know who behaves sensibly is my tailor; he takes my measurements anew each time he sees me. The rest go on ... More Post a comment
Minding His Business Published June 7, 2007
First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald I was three steps from ... More Post a comment
Dancing Bears Published May 31, 2007
With time, even a bear can learn to dance. -- Yiddish proverb David doesn't dance. Sure, he may bob his head to the music here ... More Post a comment
Monks with Sticks Published May 24, 2007
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. -- Phyllis Diller M onths ago, when a friend of mine ... More Post a comment
Hijacker Published May 17, 2007
Loquacity, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk. -- Ambrose Bierce, from The Devil's Dictionary ... More Post a comment
Guardian Angel Published May 10, 2007
If Uncle Gerry can help you in any way, you know the number. -- Uncle Gerry I think it's stupid to assign so much significance ... More Post a comment
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