“Oh, man, San Diego, you should have seen your face when I said I was relocating to L.A.! Priceless!”
  • “Oh, man, San Diego, you should have seen your face when I said I was relocating to L.A.! Priceless!”
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Hey, San Diego. You know, we’ve been friends a long time. What has it been, 30 years? And it’s because we’re so close that I knew you’d be able to take the monster punking I just spent the last few years laying on you. That’s right, Sandy Eggans: I’ve been planning to keep the Chargers here all along!

Even by my normally high standards, this thing was pretty epic. We had to get Roger Goodell and the Owners Association on board, for Pete’s sake. Plus we needed extra help from Kroenke over at the Rams, and let me tell you, Silent Stan is not exactly a gag man. I guess having serious money just makes you serious. And every time we let [Chargers chief legal counsel Mark] Fabiani talk to the press, he was struggling to keep a straight face!

Looking back, that part seems kind of obvious.

I’ll never forget when I announced that we had officially filed for relocation. I kept saying what a difficult decision it had been. But the only thing that was difficult was not busting out laughing! You were totally trying to keep it together, not knowing whether to cry or scream with rage, and I was just watching you and thinking how awesome it was going to be when I let you know it was all a prank.

You know, there were a few times when I thought you were onto me. I mean, Los Angeles? The city you so desperately love to hate? Wasn’t that just a little too perfect? And whoever heard of two teams sharing a stadium? What is this, kindergarten? But no, you just lamented each new revelation like it was further proof that God hated you. That’s the thing about self-loathing, I guess: when it comes to bad news, it makes you gullible and predictable.

Anyway, I think you’ll agree that it was a pretty awesome joke. We’ll be laughing about it for years to come. But now, let’s be serious: when are you gonna pony up and build me a proper stadium?

— Dean Spanos

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Comments

Javajoe25 Feb. 7, 2016 @ 8:35 p.m.

This was actually written by Walter Mencken, right?

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Dryw Keltz Feb. 8, 2016 @ 1:50 p.m.

It really doesn't surprise me that it was a joke all along. What does surprise me is that Kroenke actually played along. Fabiani did do a great job at keeping a straight face for sure. I was actually pretty convinced that the team actually wanted to move. It really was a pretty awesome joke. An epic gag, if you will. In the end, it just all proves how much The Chargers love San Diego. Only the bestest of your friends would put so much time and effort into a practical joke. It's all about the love. I know some people don't think paying for a new Chargers stadium is a good idea, but I think it's pretty obvious that if we do get a new stadium, every worker in this city will make an extra $8,500.00 yearly once it opens. It's just simple math. People like to go and watch football and spend money on stuff, and when people spend money on stuff in the area in which you live all the workers annually make an extra $8,500.00. It's a given, and it has been explained in a couple of articles I have read online. Plus, if we don't get a new stadium everyone will stop coming to San Diego, and all the locals who are loyal to the Chargers will follow them to whatever city they will move to. As in, they will literally quit their jobs as doctors, lawyers and nurses and get new jobs in the new city the Chargers call home so they can continue to make their extra $8,500.00 yearly. It's just simple math and economics and, above all, loyalty to a team. The mass exodus of Chargers fans will wreak havoc on San Diego's economy. Residents will not only lose their extra $8,500.00 annual stadium income, they will also experience massive financial aftershocks from a city suddenly devoid of crowds. Traffic accidents will drop 68% due to a sudden lack of rush hour traffic throughout the county. Tow truck businesses and body shops will go out of business overnight. Collisions at once crowded surf breaks will become so rare, that every paramedic in the city will be forced into early retirement, and the lifeguard force will be reduced to two dudes who can swim real good. Rents will drop to unbelievably low rates as rentals suddenly far outnumber the renters, leaving, fair loving landlords in financial ruin throughout the city. In short, thanks the heavens this was only an elaborate practical joke, and if I could write Spanos a check that wouldn't bounce all the way to the bank due to previous, terribly misguided financial decisions (primarily derived from random internet articles) I would do so.

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Dennis868 Feb. 9, 2016 @ 9:33 a.m.

Well done, Dryw. Finally some common sense...lol.

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chargerpwr Feb. 8, 2016 @ 9:44 p.m.

Yes, I also read this as a comedic article.

For truthful information regarding this adventure we've been going through as a City and Fan base. Please visit saveourbolts.org or any of or social media pages @saveourboltsSD.

The goal now, by the Chargers ownership and City/County is to build a stadium. A stadium for the City and so the Chargers can stay home, here in San Diego.

SaveOurBolts #BoltPride #Boltblitz #SDBoltComplex #Youknow

ChargeForward

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